


Whatever Happened to Daffy Duck?

by elfin



Series: Intersections [3]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26559346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfin/pseuds/elfin
Summary: Explosions, assassination attempts, alien jellyfish and unexpected marriage proposals... all part of a president’s life.
Relationships: John Sheridan & Michael Garibaldi, John Sheridan/Jack Maynard
Series: Intersections [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899340
Kudos: 1





	Whatever Happened to Daffy Duck?

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE HEED THESE WARNINGS  
> This series follows the episode, Intersections In Real Time. It includes descriptions of past torture, mental and physical abuse and injury. There are brief mentions of object rape. Some of this is canon, some of which is based on methods used for coercion. Please DO NOT READ THIS if you’re not comfortable.  
>   
> There are explicit descriptions of loving, consensual sex. All intimate interaction is consensual.  
> 

**WHATEVER HAPPENED TO DAFFY DUCK?**

John paced, butterflies in his stomach, until someone in a uniform asked him a little cautiously if he was okay. He said he was, smiled, and continued to pace.

Ever since the Agamemnon had been placed under Captain Kate Paver’s command, it had been shuttling goods, stocks and supplies - including replacement parts - to and from B5, and various other ships and worlds. It might have been a destroyer class vessel, but there wasn’t much left to destroy. Jack had used the situation shamelessly, and called in a favour from the ship’s new captain, his ex-2C, even if she’d only been his 2C for a few weeks.

This was a short stay. Not many crew members were disembarking, the ship was only due to be docked for a day and most of what was being unloaded was down in the cargo bay. So he waited, pacing, until he heard his father’s voice.

‘John.’

He turned. ‘Dad….’

They were both crying as they hugged each other, and when he finally stepped back to take a good look at his father, John felt the last of that old weight lift from his shoulders.

‘You look well.’

‘So do you, Son. We were so worried… your Mum was so scared. She and Lizzy couldn’t watch the news. It said you’d been arrested, and then it all went to hell…. Are you all right?’

John nodded. ‘I’m okay. Working through it all.’ 

‘Good. Your mum’s sorry she couldn’t be here. She doesn’t like this place, you know that. A tin can hanging in space, she calls it. She’s promised we’ll come to Minbar once you’re based there.’

Picking up his Dad’s travel bag, he led David along the corridors to the transport tube, across to Blue sector and down. 

‘How was the journey?’

‘Oh, it was something else. That ship? It’s magnificent. Kate told me it was the one you used to command.’

‘You mean Captain Paver?’ John asked with a smile.

‘Yes, but she told me to call her Kate. She’s looked after me so well. She even let me go up to the command deck and sit in her chair.’ He laughed. Jack was going to love that.

They reached his quarters. ‘You’re staying here tonight, Dad.’

David looked around. ‘Don’t tell me you’re sleeping on the sofa?’

‘No. I’ve… made other arrangements. Don’t worry about me.’ His dad looked curious, but also tired from the trip. ‘Let me make you some tea.’

‘Do you have any coffee?’

Even the word… John took a deep breath - in through the nose, out through the mouth, just like Stephen had taught him - overriding the sudden panic. He recited Dr Osaka’s mantra, silently in his head: there’s nothing to be afraid of - coffee is just a word, a liquid, a smell…. 

‘Sorry, Dad. I don’t drink it.’

Glancing over at him from where he was looking over his son’s belongings, David shrugged. ‘That’s okay. Tea’s fine. So… you’re president now?’

John laughed. ‘Yeah. It’s not all that different to being a captain, if I’m honest.’

‘No perks?’

He thought about it. ‘I can get a table in any of the restaurants on the station at late notice. Speaking of which, if it’s okay with you, we’re having dinner tonight with a few close friends.’

‘I’d love that! A chance to meet those who’ve been with you all this time? That would be wonderful.’

He was surprised but pleased at his dad’s enthusiasm. ‘They’re excited to meet you too.’

They sat, drank tea and caught up. Until David started falling asleep in his chair. 

‘Why don’t you take a nap? Dinner isn’t until nine, I’ll go check on things and come back in an hour or so, okay?’

He sat up. ‘Sorry, son. Travelling’s always taken it out of me.’

‘You don’t need to apologise.’ He picked up his Dad’s bag and opened the doors to the bedroom. ‘There’s a real shower if you want one.’

‘What do you mean, real?’

‘VIP and command quarters have real showers, all the other accommodation on board use sonics, like they do on the starships.’

‘You know, that explains a lot. I thought the one on the Agamemnon was broken!’

‘They use droplets, steam mixed with soap essentially. They’re way more efficient. Everything’s recycled but you have to store it somewhere and, somewhat ironically, space is at a premium.’ David sat down on the edge of the bed. ‘Get some rest, Dad, I’ll be back a little while. If you need anything, press the call button on the Babcom unit and ask for me.’

‘John, I’ll be fine. You go and make sure all’s well with the universe.’

*

John made his way to the ISA offices and paused on the mezzanine for a minute, looking over the railing into the room below. It was a hive of quiet activity and he spotted Jack and at the far end, sitting on what he was fairly sure was a state of the art touch screen panel. It had probably cost upwards of five thousand credits. He was obviously trying to explain something to Marcus and a very patient looking Minbari, because he was pointing to something on a screen behind him and making shapes in the air with his hands.

Leaning his forearms on the railing, John took time out just to watch him work, to revel in having the man he loved close by, involved in all this, in his life. 

‘You’re such a sap.’ Michael appeared at his shoulder, leaning down next to him. John turned his head and smiled. ‘All this time, I never had you down as a romantic.’

‘Just… appreciating the moment.’

‘Yeah, that’s what you’re appreciating.’ He nudging John’s arm playfully. ‘How’s your dad?’

‘He’s great. Sounds like he had a good trip with Captain Paver indulging him.’

‘I’m looking forward to meeting him.’

‘He’s excited about meeting you all. I actually think I should be worried.’

Michael frowned. ‘Have you checked his bag for data crystals? He may have smuggled old childhood photos aboard.’

‘He wouldn’t do that to me.’

‘Depends if someone asked him to.’

John followed his gaze and remembered who it was that had set all this up. ‘He wouldn’t dare.’

‘Um. Honestly? I’m not sure there’s much that man wouldn’t dare do.’

*

They were late to the FreshAir, but not by much. Susan had arranged private dining for them, in a small room off the main restaurant, to give them some privacy away from prying eyes, ears, recording devices and anything that might explode. 

The others were already there and got to their feet as John made the introductions.

‘Dad, this is Susan, my second-in-command. She and I have known each other for what feels like forever.’

David put out his hand. ‘Vice President Ivanova, I believe is your proper title, Susan.’ She smiled. “It’s an honour.’ She laughed, then she hugged him.

‘The honour’s all mine.’

He hugged her back; surprised, delighted. 

‘This is Marcus, he’s….’

‘Useful,’ Marcus supplied, and John corrected him.

‘A friend.’

Marcus shook David’s hand. 

‘He’s saved our butts more times than I can count.’

‘In which case, I’m very happy to meet you.’

‘You remember Stephen?’

‘Doctor Franklin. John’s been talking about you for as long as I can remember.’

‘In his defence, I’ve probably given him a lot to talk about over the years. He’s certainly kept me busy.’

‘This is Michael. He’s in charge of my security and more often than not, my sanity.’

There was a flash of recognition in David’s eyes, but he shook Michael’s hand as warmly as he had the others. If he was here, at this table, whatever may or may not have gone before was quite obviously in the past. 

‘And this is Jack.’

David took one look at him and smiled, shaking his hand. ‘So you’re the one who’s put such a smile on my son’s face, and a spring in his step.’

John and Jack risked a glance at one another. They’d been planning on telling him, obviously, but after dinner, after he’d had a chance to get to know Jack a little bit. They’d even arranged for them to sit side by side. Sneaky, but that was Susan all over.

‘How did you…?’

‘Son, I was a diplomat. The first thing they teach you is how to read every person in a room when you step inside it. The way he’s been looking at you, the way you looked at him when we got here, I’m afraid it’s like a beacon. I hope you haven’t been trying to keep it quiet because I can tell you now, it’s not working.’ 

John was suitably chastised. ‘We were going to tell you.’

David smiled broadly. ‘I know you were. It’s all right.’ He patted Jack’s arm. ‘If John loves you, you must be a good man. And, I’m assuming you’re the same Jack Kate told me arranged my little trip out here? Well then, proof already.’

Dinner went surprisingly smoothly; good food, good conversation. His friends, these people John loved so dearly, welcomed his father with open arms, telling him stories about happy times, about the laughter between the tears, the comradeship and the trials.

Once they were sated from way too much food and definitely too much wine for some of them, David asked where John and Jack had met. Under the table, John toed his right shoe from his foot as he answered. 

‘I served under him during my first posting on the Moon-Mars patrol. I don’t know why but we became friends.’

Across the table, Jack sat up, eyes widening in feigned hurt. ‘You don’t know why? Because I’m a great guy. I’ve got a great sense of humour and I’m fun to be around.’ 

Out of sight, John stroked his right foot up along Jack’s leg. ‘We ran into each other a few times over the years, before I was posted here. He stopped by once, four years ago and caused panic when his ship blew up in hyperspace just after they left.’

‘Part of the ship. A small part.’ John was certain that his foot making its up the inside of Jack’s thigh was a distraction. He knew he wasn’t playing fair.

‘The part that held the jump gate lock.’

‘Unfortunately, yes.’

‘After that… it was three years until we saw each other again. Jack was aboard the Agamemnon after I was rescued.’

John could see on his dad’s face that he knew what that meant. 

‘Thank you for taking care of him,’ David said to Jack with feeling, and Jack smiled gently, one hand dropping under the table to hold John’s questing toes still, rubbing his foot through his sock. 

‘I always will. You have my word.’

John walked his David back to his quarters. 

‘At least now I know what your sleeping arrangements are.’

‘I was going to tell you about him, but I wanted you to meet him first. Jack’s a very old and very dear friend, Dad. This… took us both by surprise. But it’s good. It’s what I need, what I want.’

David squeezed his son’s arms, trying to get him to see that if John was happy, he was happy. ‘You said he was aboard that ship with you, at the end?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Was he… part of the team who got you off Mars?’ He didn’t know exactly what his son had been through, didn’t know exactly what he’d been subjected to by Clarke, but he could see the horrors still haunting him, just now and again, when someone said or did something and the mask slipped. Like at the end of the meal when the waiter had asked if anyone wanted coffee and his friends had all turned it down, all at once.

‘No. But he’s been with me ever since. I don’t know where life’s going to take us. You and I both know this is a dangerous universe, I’m constantly in a precarious position, always a target, always under threat. I’ve learnt to live with it. It’s still new to Jack. It takes some getting used to.’

‘I thought you said he was your commanding officer, a long time ago?’

‘He was. But he’s been out on the rim, building and repairing jump gates, exploring for the last decade. Obviously, he knew the risks, he’s been in battles, firefights… he’s just not used to being - or being next to - a guy with a permanent target on his back.’

David nodded slowly. ‘Still, I’m glad there was someone with you, someone who cares for you.’

‘He does, Dad. But I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about… him.’

‘Oh, son, your mother and I have never been bothered about that. We love who we love. And we’ll love who you love.’

‘Thank you.’ John hugged his father tight. 

‘Now, off you go and let your old man get some sleep. Assuming breakfast is a thing here, you and Jack can treat me in the morning.’

*

There was a conversation over dinner that John wasn’t privy to. While Jack and John were involved in a debate with Marcus and Michael over whether Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck were secretly having sex, David got Stephen’s attention and asked him quietly, 

‘Is my son really all right?’

For a moment, Stephen thought his question was related to the ever so slightly mad argument John and Michael seemed to be having around the sexuality of two cartoon characters, then he realised what David was actually asking.

‘You mean… after Mars?’ 

John’s father nodded. ‘I never believed the ISN reporters when they said he was being well treated.’

’No, he wasn’t, but he’s doing better every day. He still has nightmares, waking flashbacks and there are odd… quirks he’s developed; symptoms of PTSD. Given the state he was in when he arrived here, after handing himself over to EarthGov, he’s made a fairly remarkable recovery. Those of us who spend the most time with him know what to look for, what it means if he goes suddenly still or zones out. It’s still an uphill climb for him, but he’s being well looked after; we’re all here when he needs us.’

‘And Jack…?’

‘Jack’s been incredible. He’s a startlingly resilient guy. And he loves John very much.’

‘Good. That’s good. I’m glad he’s got people to look out for him.’

‘Don’t worry, we have and will continue to take very good care of him.’ 

*

Waking alone was something Jack was getting used to. If he woke and the lights were off, he knew John was already up. Chances were he’d managed to free himself from the grip of a night terror and hadn’t wanted to close his eyes again, risk going back to wherever he’d managed to escape from. Worse than nightmares, these more intense versions of them stayed with him. He wasn’t able to recovery quickly from them, didn’t find it easy to shake the uneasy feelings they left behind. 

He still wore a monitoring bracelet, but rather than raising the alarm every time there was a change in his vitals, it did so only in an emergency. Stephen checked the logs daily and called him into MedLab if there was an anomaly. There was medication they could try to regulate John’s sleep patterns, but Stephen was still hoping they would go away on their own, given time. Any more drugs had the potential to do him more harm than good.

Getting out of bed, Jack found his robe thrown over the chair in the corner and shrugged it on. In the living room the lights were up higher and John was curled into the corner of the sofa, hands wrapped around a mug of camomile tea, wearing what Jack was certain was one of his sweaters over sweat pants. He looked exhausted when he glanced up.

‘Sorry. I tried not to wake you.’

‘You didn’t wake me.’ He put a hand on John’s shoulder and dropped a kiss to his head. Getting comfortable in the opposite corner of the sofa, Jack beckoned John over, put the mug on the floor, and settled him between his legs, in the safe circle of his arms, head on his chest so he could hear the beat of Jack’s heart. 

Instructing the computer to lower the lights, he murmured, ‘Talk,’ while he stroked his fingers through John’s hair, resting his own head back, closing his eyes and waiting. This wasn’t their first rodeo. Sometimes John told him what he’d seen in his nightmare, sometimes he didn’t. But nine times out of ten he managed to eventually get back to sleep and make it to the morning without further disturbance.

Jack was on the very edge of sleep when he heard John’s voice, quiet in the darkness. ‘All of you told me not to go to that bar on Mars, not to trust Michael, that it was a trap. Everyone said I was too… valuable to lose, that we couldn’t risk anything happening to me, not so close to the final assault on Clarke’s defences. But I went anyway, because I knew better, because I couldn’t possibly be wrong, because never in my worst dreams did I imagine Michael could actually mean me any harm, and I needed to know where they were holding my father.

‘When he put that tranq on my hand, I still didn’t believe it. Not until the drug started to work, not until the bar filled with Clarke’s men. I fought, landed a few punches before I couldn’t lift my arms. But after that they laid into me, broke skin, bones…. The pain before I lost consciousness, even through the haze of the drug, was too much. 

‘I didn’t realise I remembered so many details until tonight. But I relived it. Every punch, every kick; my ribs cracking, fingers breaking. I could smell the alcohol, the sweat and the blood…. I saw Michael just sitting there and I couldn’t understand how he could hate me so much to let them do that to me….’ His voice broke and Jack felt the wet tears soaking through his robe.

He’d become an expert at burying his own anger over what had been done to John, at finding ways of releasing it that didn’t involve damaging the station and definitely didn’t involve hurting people. But it broke his heart to hear him talk about it. He wiped a tear or two from the corners of his eyes and lay his cheek against the top of John’s head.

‘Do you think it’s time to talk to Stephen about meds?’ he asked quietly, sometime later. When he didn’t get an answer, he checked and realised John was asleep. It was a while before Jack found enough peace of mind to follow him.

*

Saying goodbye to his father was harder than John had imagined it would be. But David promised that he, Nancy and Lizzy would visit them in Tuzanor once they were settled on Minbar. John promised to call more, and Jack promised to make sure he did.

There were hugs and tears, but Jack was there once David disappeared from sight, and they watched the Agamemnon leave from the observation deck above C&C. 

‘Kate will take good care of him while he’s onboard,’ Jack reassured him, ‘and there are people keeping an eye on the farm back on Earth. They’re protected, John, I promise.’

He’d wondered what Jack had been up to during the weeks it had apparently taken him to resign from EarthForce. Thanking him with a kiss and a promise of more to come, he took Jack’s hand and walked them back to the ISA offices. 

*

‘It was so good to see him,’ John told Jack later that evening, sitting together on the sofa in John’s quarters. ‘I can’t thank you enough for arranging it all.’

‘Ah, John, it was my pleasure. You needed to see him and he needed to see you.’

‘I did. Stephen and Susan arranged for me to speak to him when I was in MedLab, after we got back, but it wasn’t the same. Those seven days on Mars… I was incapable of doing anything except to hold on to the hope that if they’d ever had Dad, they would have let him go once they got me.’ He sighed softly, moving his socked foot against Jack’s bare one on the coffee table in front of them. ‘Along with the… pain, the discomfort, exhaustion and dehydration, much of the torture was not knowing what was happening with him, or with you, Susan and the fleet.’

Jack slipped his hand into John’s, waiting to see if he’d say any more about it. Beyond describing his nightmares and flashbacks, he’d only talked through the majority of his experience with Dr Osaka. When it was obvious he wasn’t going to, he said, ‘You weren’t alone in that. I was terrified for you, all twisted up not knowing what they were doing to you - even if I had a shrewd idea - not knowing for sure if you were still alive. The worst part… was knowing your death wouldn’t be the worst outcome, steeling myself for seeing you renouncing us all, everything you’d worked for, fought for. And knowing if that happened, it wouldn’t be you, it would someone… broken. They didn’t take you to execute you, they took you to hurt you; to tear you apart and make you into someone else.’ John wrapped himself around Jack’s arm, resting his head on his shoulder. ‘I loved you long before I fell in love with you.’

‘I’m sorry I put you through that.’

‘It’s not something for you to apologise for. But I don’t want to go through that… ever again.’ He felt John’s fingers squeeze his own. ‘Do you remember anything about your rescue?’

An answer didn’t come immediately. He felt John’s head move against his shoulder. ‘No, not really. I was so disorientated by then, I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I think I remember them shooting the interrogator, but then… I might have imagined that. Michael said… I killed one of the guards on our way out, shot him nine times, eight more than I needed to. But I don’t remember. The first memory I trust is coming round in the resistance camp, my hands were bandaged, everything hurt. Stephen was with me. Later, when we were back on B5, he told me I’d woken prior to that, got hold of his PPG somehow and threatened to shoot Michael before attempting to shoot myself.’ Jack tensed at that. ‘He thinks now that I thought I was still in the cell, that it was one of their… mind games. I’m sure he’s right, but every now and again I ask myself, if I had managed to get hold of a gun while I’d been a prisoner, what would I have done with it.’

‘I’m sure there’s enough in you head without adding ‘what ifs’.’

John chuckled softly. ‘You’re probably right.’

Lifting his head, he kissed Jack’s shoulder through his shirt, leaned closer and kissed his throat, further up behind his ear. Jack turned his head, found John’s mouth with his own and slipped his tongue between his lips in a longer, more drawn out kiss. For a time that’s all they did, Jack shifting his hips and ass to relieve the pressure of his erection in his trousers. Aware of John doing the same, he moved to bend one knee and tuck his leg beneath him, bring his other up on the couch as he turned his whole body in to John, deepening the kiss, touching his fingertips to where John’s hard cock was straining between his thighs. John pushed up to meet him, moving on instinct, blindly searching for sensation, for touch and intimacy. 

He loved the purity of John’s responses; the naked honesty of his sexual need. Combing the fingers of his free hand through John’s hair, sucking on his tongue as it slid over his own, Jack swallowed John’s soft hum and smiled to himself. 

Catching the zip between his index finger and thumb, he drew it down slowly and reached in through the gap, stroking the hardness there before finding the gap in John’s boxers and touched hot, hard flesh. This was something else he loved; John’s cock. From the first time he’d seen it, it had made his mouth water. He eased it out from the confines of his clothes and palmed it, pulling it gently away from his body, hand sliding up the dusky pink length and down again. Breaking from the kiss, he shuffled back, far enough so he could bend over and take it in his mouth.

John gasped, groaned, one hand coming to rest on Jack’s shoulder, the other feather-light on his head, stroking his hair, not the slightest hint of pressure. Jack would have dearly loved him to push down with his hand while he pushed up from his hips, to have fucked his throat with abandon. But it was too soon, far too soon to be asking for that. He wanted John to come to him, to open up to him, hoped he would in his own time. For now, he was more than happy to suck on his gorgeous cock and listen to the glorious sounds he made as his arousal intensified.

John’s moans started to include his name, murmured with such utter reverence it was difficult not to let that go to his head, at least a little, and to his dick. Doing this was intoxicating. He could feel John’s orgasm building, hear it, smell it; the small thrusts of his hips, the pleas and warnings between his soft moans, the rich, musky scent of him. Jack rose up, swiped his tongue up the underside of his shaft, tracing the lines of the veins with the tip of his tongue before licking the glans, sliding into the weeping slit….

John came with a shout of triumph, pulsing into Jack’s mouth, over and over, Jack swallowing all of it, licking him clean.

When he sat up, John surged forward, licking into his mouth, seeking the taste of himself there. Jack opened to him, each slide of his tongue going straight to his dick even as John’s hand pressed against him, between his thighs, and he groaned into the open-mouthed kiss.

‘What do you want? My hand? My mouth? My ass? Do you just want to tear my shirt open and come all over me?’

Jack had to bite his tongue to stop himself from coming in his pants as the image flashed to the forefront of his mind. ‘Jesus, Johnny….’

‘Lie back.’ It was impossible not to obey the honeyed voice, low and sonorous, long fingers already opening his trousers, pulling him free. He stretched out the leg from under him, dropped back so his shoulders hit the arm of the couch, and stroked his hand over John’s head as it settled at his groin, lips sinking down on him, tongue rough, hot and wet on sensitised flesh. He felt the briefest hint of teeth and shivered, lifting his arm to rest it across the back of the couch. Given some of the injuries John had sustained on Mars were to his mouth and throat, and that Stephen wasn’t sure what had caused them, Jack had refrained from doing anything that might risk triggering a flashback. Not that John had displayed the slightest aversion to giving him blowjobs - he seemed to love doing it as much as Jack did, for which he was exceedingly grateful - but there was something in the way he kept him from touching the back of his throat. Now and again, Jack wondered if he or Stephen should have maybe watched more of the vids at the facility on Mars, because at least they’d know for sure what they did and didn’t do. But that would have been beyond an invasion of privacy, He was fairly sure John wouldn’t ever have forgiven him, and even if he had, if he’d ever have been able to forgive himself, he wouldn’t ever have been able to forget. Just the couple of seconds they’d seen had been bad enough. John would have always seen it in his eyes.

The wonderful mouth lifted off him, and Jack met his concerned gaze, confused for a moment until he realised his erection had wilted somewhat.

‘God, John, I’m sorry….’

‘Is everything…?’

‘Yes.’ He took his beloved’s face between his hands and kissed him. ‘Yes, it’s perfect. You’re perfect.’

‘Want me to...?’

Jack nodded, feeling himself already hardening again. John, obviously, felt it too, kissed him and lowered his head, lips touching the tip of his cock, sliding his foreskin down, tongue stroking up the underside. The heat of his mouth was exquisite, his fingers playing with Jack’s balls, gently lifting and separating them, pressing back along his perineum to the rim of his anus, applying the perfect pressure. There was something incredibly erotic about John doing this, the president of the ISA, the same guy half the station worshipped, yet it wasn’t the power thing he got off on; it was all down to who he was, not what he was. 

Carefully, he ghosted fingertips over his cheek, sapphire gaze rising to meet his own, those full lips stretched wide around him.

‘John….’

It was a long, drawn out orgasm, body shuddering, feeling like it wasn’t going to quit. John rode it out with him, swallowing, carefully holding him in his mouth as he slowly softened, licking him gently, breath warming him through the aftershocks. 

Eventually John stretched out, settled in Jack’s arms, between his legs, head on his chest, both of them still with their flies down, dicks out. 

‘Did I hurt you?’

‘No. My mind wandered, that’s all.’

‘Where?’

‘Mars.’

‘Ah.’ It wasn’t the first time, it wouldn’t be the last. ‘Want to talk about it?’

Jack chuckled softly, swiped his hand over John’s hair and kissed the top of his head, protective streak kicking in through the post-orgasm haze. 

‘I just… I worry about doing something that’ll hurt you, or… worse.’

‘You won’t.’

‘I might.’

‘Then… we’ll deal with it. I’m not going to break. Maybe I might have done, earlier on, but I’m not going to now.’

‘I don’t think you’ve remembered everything, let alone dealt with it all.’

‘I’m sure you’re right, but us making love isn’t going to trigger anything bad.’

‘You don’t know that for certain.’

He lifted his head to look Jack in the eye. ‘Yes, I do. Trust me?’

How could he not’? With my life. And my dick.’ 

John settled back. ’Thank you.’

* 

One of the best things about being president, over being captain, was the absence of a station-wide link. ISA staff were on a private network, and while it didn’t necessarily mean he ever stopped working, ever stopped being the president, it did mean fewer people calling him every minute of every day. It meant he could silence it, leaving the tracking capability, but giving him him more peace and quiet than he was used to. If he tried hard enough, he could fool himself into believing he could vanish for a few hours, take some time out for himself. 

Sometime in the last six months, he’d taken to finding different, longer routes back from the ISA offices to his quarters each evening. He walked through the Zocalo or the Marketplace, stopping in hydroponics, the gardens or the sanctuary, now and again spending time sitting in the Minbari chapel grounds breathing in the scent of the blossoms, or in one of the observation decks staring out into space. Stepping away from the chaos and the stress for a little time each day was good for his state of mind, and while he still had nightmares, the night terrors were coming few and far between. Stephen was pleased, had even eased up on some aspects of his food plan.

It did mean he was often late returning to his quarters, and often he’d bump into Jack in the transport tube, the latter having finally dragged himself away from the work he’d taken to better than either of them could have imagined. On this particular occasion, he was carrying two brown paper bags and the smells coming from them were mouth-watering. 

‘Penelopes, in the Zocalo,’ he lifted them and John sniffed, suddenly hungry. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve never been?’ John shook his head. ‘It’s lemon and orange chicken, jasmine rice, and chocolate fondant. Makes your mouth water, doesn’t it?’ He looked at Jack in what he hoped wasn’t too close to begging. ‘Want to share?’

He should have known it was a set up. Jack could be cunning when he wanted to be, part of the job description, and he’d learnt a great deal about sneaky over the last six months from Susan.

So when he told John he needed to speak to him about something, between the exquisite citrusy main course and the indulgent dessert, he realised he should have seen it coming.

‘There’s a problem on one of the Pak’ma’ra’s outposts; they’re experiencing small, random attacks in an area of natural beauty. A couple of our scientists think there might be something below the surface, maybe minerals, probably something of financial worth or strategic importance.’

John knew what was coming. ‘You want to go and take a look.’

‘The ISA is sending a small team out there to investigate. Once they work out what’s there, they need to assist the locals in either retrieving it or protecting it, depending on what it turns out to be. I think I could help. I’d like to help.’

John gazed at him across the table. ‘And you miss being an explorer.’

‘I do. I didn’t think I would but I do. I’m sorry.’

Shaking his head, he said, ‘I felt the same way just a few weeks after I got here. You think it’s going to be the same but it isn’t. Being on B5, it’s a station not a ship. Makes all the difference in the world.’

‘I thought, before we move to Minbar and get settled, it would be nice to get out there again, just for a few weeks. If you’re okay with it?’

Reaching for his hand, John laced their fingers together, hoping his smile looked genuine when he looked up. ‘Of course I am! Go. I’ve got enough to keep me busy here.’

After dessert, Jack took a small beer from the fridge and they dropped side by side onto his couch, John curling into the corner. Right up until the moment he’d mentioned the trip, he hadn’t been certain he was going to. He’d bought the food, things he knew John would love, and felt awful for doing so because it felt so much like bribery. He still didn’t know if it was a great idea. As good as it would be to get out in a ship again, to visit an alien world, be of use to the team and the locals, he wasn’t sure about being away for that length of time. A few weeks may not sound like a long time, but he had a feeling they were going to feel it once he got out there. And leaving John was the last thing he wanted to.

‘Johnny....’

‘Jack, it’s fine. Honestly. I understand.’

He absently started to pick at the black waxy foil around the neck of the bottle, turning his head to read John’s expression. ‘I will miss you.’

‘I should hope so.’ His attempt at a smile faded. ‘I’ll miss you too. But you need this. After a while, being cooped up here will drive you crazy.’

‘I spent ten years cooped up on the Cortez.’

‘But you were constantly moving; new places, new adventures.’

The foil came away from the glass, and holding the bottle between his knees, Jack started to fold the waxy metal lengthways, tucking the sharp edges away on the inside, leaving just a black strip, about half a centimetre wide.

‘You’re my new adventure. All my life, I’ve never known anything like what’s between us.’ He glanced over at John. ‘I could live just for the way you look at me. Don’t ever think you’re not enough.’

With a long suffering sigh, John reached across the gap between them and traced the outline of Jack’s ear with a single fingertip; the curve of his jaw, the line of his neck. Jack shivered, closing his eyes for a moment, almost changing his mind. ‘I love you. As long as you come back to me, I’ll be fine.’

Happy with the result of his work, Jack put the beer bottle on the table and tucked a leg under himself, shifting around so he was facing John. Reaching for his left hand, he folded the foil strip around John’s ring finger, wrapping it twice, moulding it until it sat snuggly. John watched him, and when he was done, when he looked up to meet that curious, amused expression and he smiled. 

‘I don’t want anyone thinking you’re available while I’m gone.’

‘I honestly don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about.’ Maybe he was right. For a relationship John had wanted to keep quiet, they were appallingly bad at it. He found maintaining a professional distance almost impossible and when he was close by, Jack found himself always itching to touch and often giving into the urge.

‘Please stay out of trouble, keep away from danger and avoid anything that might possibly explode.’

Leaning forward, John promised, and kissed him.

*

If John wasn’t wheeled, or carried into MedLab, if he walked in of his own accord, without being badgered by one of his friends, Stephen could guarantee that it was either a scheduled appointment and John didn’t want him to come looking, or something was wrong.

Getting him to admit that was usually a process in itself. So it was a surprise when he walked into MedLab 5 early one evening, and said, ‘I don’t feel well.’

Usually, those words alone would mean he was subjected to a thorough exam, but Stephen at least had several starting points. Getting him to sit up on one of the examination beds, the doc could see how much effort that took. He lifted a scanner from the rack.

‘When was the last time you slept through the night?’

John shook his head. ‘I don’t remember.’

It wasn’t a surprise then when the scan showed symptoms of prolonged sleep deprivation. ‘If this goes on much longer, I’ll have to medicate you.’ 

‘I don’t know what to do.’

‘Tell me what’s happening. Are you having trouble getting to sleep, or is your sleep being disturbed?’

‘It’s nightmares, doc, but worse. They’re so vivid... the smells, the tastes... I’m right back there. Sometimes it’s stuff I know they did, sometimes it’s stuff I’m fairly sure my mind is making up. Like reality wasn’t bad enough.’

‘It’s your fears. Everything they did along with everything they could have done.’

‘It was only seven days!’

Stephen looked at him, wishing he could just take the memories out of John’s head. ‘Seven very long, very painful days that changed you mentally and physically for the rest of your life. Some people never get over a moment’s trauma, an hours’ horror. Seven days is an eternity given what you were being subjected to. There is no easy fix here. How you found anything that helps?’

‘The rainfall sound sometimes, if it’s just nightmares and not the other things. Sleeping in Jack’s arms....’ He said it quietly, like he was embarrassed to admit it. Stephen looked up, around. 

‘Speaking of, where is your slightly less crazy half?’

‘Koran 7.’

‘Koran... that’s... a three day round trip. When’s he coming back?’

‘Next month.’

Stephen couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘He left?’

‘He didn’t leave. It’s an expedition, part of his job.’

‘I thought he took that job so that he could be with you?’

‘He did. But you know what this place does to people after a while, people used to being on ships. It only took a few weeks before I got cabin fever, he’s lasted six months.’

‘Well... it’s little wonder you’re not sleeping. Seriously, when he gets back I’m gonna....’

‘Stephen! I don’t want to be reliant on him. Ever since he came here with me from Earth, he’s been a safety blanket.’

‘Because you desperately needed one.’

‘I know. But like you said a while back, we’ve changed things. He’s something else now. And he’s not used to being in one place all the time, being with one person....’

‘He loves you, John, he would never-‘

‘No, that’s not what I meant. As much as he loves company, he spent a lot of time alone. He’s always been a sort of... free spirit, as much as he could be within the confines of EarthForce. I don’t want to change him. He can’t always be here, and I need to work out how to cope with all this on my own.’

Putting down the scanner. Stephen shook his head. ‘No, you don’t. You have friends, good friends, who are here to help you through it all, as long as it takes. Why do think every one of us has joined the ISA? Why do you think we’re preparing to leave the station for Minbar? Okay, the hours are better, the conditions are better, the pay’s definitely better, the prospects.... But it’s none of that. We’re following you. We’re still following you. Jack’s with you because he’s crazy about you. We’re with you because not only do we love you too, you’re the best man we’ve ever met. All of us are here to help you. Talk to Marcus about meditation, he trained as a Ranger on Minbar, I’m sure he knows about that stuff even if he never puts it into practice.’ He caught the quizzical look on John’s face. ‘Remember when you sent us to Mars to establish comms lines? He was the single most irritating, most annoying man you could have sent with me.’

John chuckled. ‘Sorry about that.’

‘Hey, I’m still alive, he’s still alive. Mind you, if I ever hear him singing Gilbert and Sullivan again he won’t be for long....’ He picked up a hypo. ‘I’m serious, about the meditation. It can help if you stick with it. And while Jack’s away, come to me, or go to Michael. I know we’re not Jack, we can’t offer the same... intimacy and safety that he can, but we can be warm bodies in the bed next to you, breathing and snoring, reminding your brain you’re not alone.’

He could see in John’s watery eyes how much all this meant and at the same time, how overwhelming it all was. ‘Okay. Come on.’

He led John through to an empty isolation room. ‘Lie down.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m going to give you something that’ll let you sleep without dreams for twelve hours or so. It’s not a long term solution, it’s not even a short term solution, but you need rest, your body needs rest.’ John lay down, on his back, hands crossed over his abdomen. Stephen injected the sedative and ordered the lights to drop to minimum before leaving him to a deep sleep.

*

John’s face appeared on the screen and Jack realised he was living from one weekly call to the next. He wanted more than anything to reach across space and hold him. Kiss him. Tear his clothes off and bury himself in him.

‘What’s all this?’ Jack scratched his own chin, wishing he could run his fingers over the neatly shaved stubble around John’s mouth. His hair was getting longer too, the military cut growing out.

John ran his fingers over his goatee. ‘Do you like it? I figured it would prevent beard burn.’

Jack laughed. ‘I could shave mine off?’

‘Don’t you dare! I can’t imagine you without it. Besides, it makes some things… more interesting.’

‘So I’ve been told.’

John scowled. ‘Who by?’

‘A few people. In the deep and distant past, obviously. You have absolutely no need to worry, John. You’re the most… amazing, beautiful, incredible guy I have ever met. There is no way in the world I will risk losing you. Why would I ever want anyone else?’ It was worth the sappy speech for the happy, emotion-filled smile that it put on John’s face, halfway across the galaxy. ‘I wish I was there with you.’

‘Me too.’

‘Are you okay?’

John nodded. ‘Keeping busy. We’ve had a few skirmishes, nothing major. I had dinner with Susan and Marcus last night.’

‘Don’t tell me they’ve finally-‘

‘No. Don’t be ridiculous. I think Susan’s still not sure.’

Jack was dumbfounded. ‘After what, four and a half years? Two wars?’

‘She’s been burned in the past.’

‘Most people have been. Are you sleeping okay?’

John shrugged, and yet again Jack felt a shit for leaving him to face his nightmares alone. ‘When they get bad, I go sleep in Michael’s quarters, or Stephen’s. They don’t mind.’

‘Johnny, I am so sorry….’

‘Jack, stop. You needed to do this, I understand that. I’m okay, honestly. I’m just… looking forward to having you back.’

‘I’m looking forward to being back. I’ve been thinking about us, about how we were on Ganymede.’

‘And here was I thinking I’d given you new, far better memories to jerk off to.’ 

‘I didn’t necessarily mean….’ Then he shrugged. ‘Okay, I’ll admit, my right hand’s seen a lot more action than it used to.’ John looked sceptical. ‘After a while, on the Cortez… even it lost interest. Then you came along and reminded me that I used to really enjoy sex, and actually I’d like to have a lot more of it.’

‘Taking yourself halfway across the galaxy probably wasn’t conducive to having more sex with me.’

‘You’re telling me.’ He shook his head. ‘Hey, sometimes I don’t think things all the way through.’

‘You? You don’t think things through?’

He confessed, ‘I didn’t think this through.’

‘Why have you been thinking about us on Ganymede?’

‘Wondering if we should have known earlier that this thing between us was possible. Not on Ganymede, but maybe on B5, three years ago.’

‘Maybe. I certainly would have said yes. But you were… occupied with someone else, apparently.’

‘And you’ve never asked who.’

‘I don’t want to know, in case he’s still on board.’

Jack paused. ‘You know, that never crossed my mind. I doubt he is. And while I don’t regret it, because it was good, I do regret that I wasn’t with you. Maybe if I had been….’

John shook his head. ‘There’s no point regretting the past. We can’t change it. Believe me, if I could, there’s a hell of a lot of stuff I’d go back and do differently.’

‘Yeah.’ He gazed at John’s face on the screen. ‘Do you want to do something completely unbecoming of a president?’

HIs smile was positively filthy. ‘Thought you’d never ask.’

*

It had been going so well. 

Six weeks without incident. Six weeks of cooperation, peace, working in harmony. Of missing John like he thought he’d miss a limb if he ever lost one. 

The Concord was in hyperspace, less than an hour out from the Babylon 5 jump gate, when they hit something, or something hit them. The resulting explosion took out the engines, hitting the power generators and taking half of them offline.

On Babylon 5, in C&C, the SOS came through loud and clear.

‘Captain Lochley, we’re picking up a distress signal from the Concord. They’ve lost engines and they’re experiencing a significant power drain.’

‘The Concord?’

‘It’s an ISA ship, on its way back from a Pak’ma’ra outpost.’

‘How long until they lose life support?’

‘Unclear. They still appear to have a lock-on signal, but it’s weakening and they don’t have the ability to get to the jump gate.’

‘Right. Get a squadron ready to leave and get me Mr Garibaldi.’

Michael interrupted the council meeting, leaning over the railing that looked down on the conference table and saying John’s name loudly and deliberately. The president stopped talking, looked up, and he must have seen something in Michael’s expression because he excused himself and met him at the top of the steps.

‘What is it?’

‘C&C have picked up a distress call from the Concord, about an hour out in hyperspace. We’re not sure what happened but their engines have been hit. We’ve got a Minbari Cruiser, one of the White Star fleet and G’Kar’s ship on standby. I’m going out there.’

‘I’m going with you.’

Michael thought he should have seen that coming. ‘No. Let us handle it.’

‘Jack’s on that ship.’ There was fierce emotion behind the words, but letting John go with them was literally the opposite of his job description.

‘I know. But you have to trust me. We’ll find them. We’ll bring them back.’

‘I do trust you, Mike, and I’m still going with you.’ 

Below them, Susan had also excused herself from the meeting. Anyone watching them could have worked out there was something wrong. She joined them on the mezzanine, glancing from one to the other. ‘What’s wrong?’ Michael brought her up to speed and she looked at John. ‘So you’re going.’

He said yes before Michael had a chance to say no.

She nodded. ‘Right. Go. I’ll hold the fort here.’

Michael had to protest. ‘He’s the president! He’s not supposed to-‘

Susan turned and glared at him. ‘You think I want him here or up in C&C, driving me and everyone else crazy? Take him.’

He knew when to admit defeat. ‘Fine. Let’s go.’

Michael and Maise joined security and medical personnel on G’Kar’s ship, while John boarded the White Star with Marcus as translator and led the convoy into hyperspace, locking on to the Concord’s weak beacon. They tried to make contact, but C&C were reporting the ship’s comms as down. John paced the command deck, glancing up every couple of seconds at the view of hyperspace projected around all around them. Minutes passed like hours, the possibility of Jack having been hurt or killed, the idea of life support failing and him dying of oxygen deprivation, felt like a blade twisting in his stomach.

‘There!’ Marcus voice snapped him out of it and he looked up to where he was pointing. The Concord was drifting but the damage didn’t look too bad. There was a black void where the engines should have been, but she didn’t look like she was venting anything important into space and the hull looked in tact.

They tried comms again but got nothing, so with the cruiser flanking them, G’Kar’s ship moved to dock while the White Star fastened itself to the ship’s hull and opened up its own airlock.

En route, Michael and Maise had organised the security and medical personnel into four teams, so when they boarded the Concord they spread out in a methodical pattern while Michael and John headed for the command deck. Technically this wasn’t Jack’s ship, but he would have wanted to be close to the action, so it was as good a place as any to start.

The damage inside looked as if it was all the result of the initial, violent impact. There was still minimal power, and a couple of ISA engineers were heading down to the control room to see if the ship would need towing home, or if they could bring auxiliary power back on line. 

They found a couple of crew members unconscious in the main corridor, and Michael linked through the White Star to Maise to give her their location. 

The engines blowing had apparently caused a chain reaction in some of the systems. There were small fires on the command deck, and the smoke made breathing difficult. Michael immediately called one of the teams to assist, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop John from going in. If they kept low, it made things easier. Visibility wasn’t great but they could see the captain slumped in her chair, and a couple of the flight crew sitting up with their backs against the control units. One or two were conscious, the others not.

Michael spotted him first, on the far side of the deck, up against the hull. ‘John.’

Eyes watering from the smoke, John glanced at him and then at where he was heading. ‘Jack!’

Mindful of any spinal injury, Michael searched for a pulse while John checked him for visible wounds. While he had a few cuts and bruises, there was nothing obvious. John got his arm around his shoulders and Michael helped ease him on to his back. As they moved him, he came round.

He blinked a couple of times, looking confused. ‘Johnny… what…? What are you doing here?’

John pointedly ignored the question. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah.’ He struggled to sit up, glaring at Michael, rubbing the dust from his eyes. ‘You let him join the rescue party?!’

‘Hey, you try stopping him next time.’ 

Someone called out to them from the entrance to the command deck, and Michael turned, waving an arm in the air. Maise picked her way over to them carefully and ran a scanner over Jack from head to foot. 

‘You have two broken ribs, a likely concussion and some bruising. We need to get you off the ship. So far everyone we’ve found is alive. There are Minbari transports docking to take the injured over to the cruiser. Can you walk?’

They helped him up, and he leaned his weight on John. ‘Go with him,’ Michael pleaded. ‘Let us deal with the rest?’ As he’d suspected, this time there was no argument.

Once on board the Minbari ship, the walking wounded were made comfortable in a temporary facility in what was usually a prayer hall, while those needing more urgent medical attention were taken to the infirmary. That’s where Jack was taken simply because John told them to. They weren’t exactly going to say no. It didn’t matter that he was unlikely to be seen until they reached Babylon 5. It was crowded and busy. But at least he was comfortable. 

‘You’re not supposed… to come on rescue missions,’ he’d told John at least twice. 

‘Then don’t let your ship get attacked on your way home.’

‘It’s not… my ship.’ He winced and raised a hand to his chest. John reached for it, curled his fingers around it. He could see the abject relief in John’s expression and felt even more guilty for leaving in the first place. It was so good just to see him, to feel him. This wasn’t the reunion he’d had in mind.

‘Please just rest. We’ll be home soon. Then Stephen can yell at me while he straps up your ribs.’

*

Jack woke in the familiar surroundings of MedLab, feeling a shedload better than he had when he’d passed out. One of his hands was warmer than the other, and he didn’t have to look to know it was John sitting by his bedside, hugging his hand and wrist to his chest while he watched the activity beyond the window; Stephen busy with the casualties from the Concord.

Jack wet his lips, and murmured, ‘Now you know how I feel.’

‘Hey.’ John turned his attention, his full attention, to him and Christ, he’d missed that smile. ‘Welcome back.’ 

John looked, well, gorgeous, if he was being honest. The goatee he’d watched develop over six weekly vid calls suited him. And his hair was longer now, perfect for running fingers through. Even lying in MedLab, coming round from what he suspected was either a strong sedative or a mild anaesthetic, his dick perked up. 

‘Missed you.’

‘I missed you too. So much.’ For the life of him, Jack couldn’t remember why he’d needed to go in the first place. For the first two, maybe three, weeks he’d enjoyed being out of the station, on a different world. He’d been kept busy during daylight hours, but in the evenings, at night, he’d felt a something pulling at him; a need to be back, to be home, to sleep with John in his arms. The last three weeks had felt like months, felt like a part of him was missing.

He squeezed the hand holding his. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m supposed to ask you that.’

So he took a deep, cautious breath in and let it out. ‘Definitely better than I was while I was waiting for you guys to rescue our sorry asses.’

‘The Concord hit a mine.’

‘I know. Left over from the war. The monitors caught it just at the last second. What’s the damage?’

‘To you, a couple of cracked ribs, and a bruised lung, apparently. I didn’t even know if was possible to bruise a lung.’

‘And here was I… thinking you’d bruised everything at one time or another.’ He tried to lever himself up and John rearranged the pillows at his back to help, handing him a glass of water. Jack took it, noticing the circle of black foil still wrapped around John’s ring finger. He smiled to himself but didn’t mention it. Not then. ‘Thanks.’ He took a couple of sips and dropped back against the pillows. ‘Sorry I scared you.’

John shrugged. ‘Hey, I wasn’t worried.’

But Jack saw straight through it. ‘If you weren’t worried, why was the president of the ISA on a rescue mission to an unknown situation in hyperspace?’

‘Okay.’ He relented. ‘I was a little worried.’ Scared to death, more like, because that’s how Jack would have felt it the situation had been reversed. 

The door hissed as it opened and Stephen smiled as he stepped through it. ‘Welcome back. I’m glad to see you’re as incapable of walking onto this station under your own steam as he is.’ Jack winced at that. ‘How are you feeling?’

He got the distinct impression he was only being asked because it was a doctor’s duty to do so. ’Sore?’ He thought maybe that would win him a modicum of sympathy.

‘You will be. But you’ll live. Which is relief, given how utterly stupid someone becomes when you’re not here.’ He looked pointedly at John who glared back.

‘A bit of respect? I am president.’

‘Oh, so you do remember! What if the Concord hadn’t hit a mine, what if it had been under attack?’

‘We did take enough firepower with us to blow most things out of the sky.’

‘And if you’d been hurt?’

Jack sat up, stopping the argument before it got going. ‘Look, this is my fault. I’m the one who got cabin fever and thought I needed to get out of here for a while. If I hadn’t been aboard the Concord, John wouldn’t have gone haring off into hyperspace following its distress call. It won’t happen again.’

That seemed to placate Stephen, even if John didn’t look entirely happy. ‘You’re supposed to be a good influence.’

‘I am a good influence.’ He gazed at John, and for a moment forgot his own argument. Then he remembered. ‘He’s still in one piece, isn’t he? Eight months without a single injury. I’d call that a win.’

‘I suppose. In a manner of speaking.’ Jack wondered what that meant, heard the doc’s frustrated sigh but didn’t see his expression. He was basking in the way John was gazing at him, wondering why the hell he’d felt the need to ever leave. ‘If you’re really feeling okay, you can get out of here. Be careful for a couple of days. No strenuous activity.’

Jack wasn’t sure he’d heard right. He tore his eyes from John’s face and looked at Stephen. ‘I can go?’

‘Yes. Because I don’t think these beds are designed for what the two of you have in mind, and I don’t want you upsetting the more… sensitive of my patients. Long shot, I know, but do me a favour and try to rest!’

*

Rest was the last thing Jack had in mind. John followed him into his quarters and the moment the door closed behind them they were kissing, fingers searching blindly for buttons and zippers, desperate to get to bare skin. 

Jack winced as he dropped onto his back on the bed, John following on his hands and knees, that magnificent cock pointing straight up. It was making his mouth water, and he forgot about the nagging pain around his ribs. As soon as he could reach, he wrapped his fingers tight around John’s erection and tugged gently. John howled, the best sound in the whole damned world. He watched, eyes wide, as John reached for the lube on bedside table, squirted some on to his fingers and straddled Jack’s hips.

Just the sight of him reaching around, pressing his own fingers into himself, the expression of bliss on his face, Jack almost came. He bit his tongue when John took a hold of his cock and pushed it between his cheeks, nudging it against the entrance to his body, sinking down slowly but steadily, not stopping until they were skin to skin, his ass flush to Jack’s thighs. 

Jack swore, bright lights flashing behind his eyes. He stroked his hands down John’s sides, around the curve of his butt cheeks, sliding the fingers of one hand down between them until he touched the base of his own cock, buried inside his lover’s body.

John was watching him, eyes wide, pupils blown. ‘Okay?’

‘Yes. God, yes. Fucking perfect.’

He started to move, slowly, his eyes locked with Jack’s, rising and falling, stroking himself in a lazy rhythm with one hand, the other flat to Jack’s stomach. He could only watch, eyes wide, mouth open, more in love than he’d ever been as John rode him, taking him deep. 

He wasn’t going to last, he knew it, as desperately as he wanted to. He could feel the orgasm starting in his toes, rushing up, pulling his balls tight. 

‘John….’

John sat back, pushing him deep inside and holding him there as he came. He felt John’s orgasm all around him, felt the warm semen on his skin and shuddered.

When he was able to talk again, he murmured, ‘You… you are so fucking incredible.’

As declarations of undying love went, it wasn’t the most poetic, but John’s smug smile was perfect. 

Sometime later, with John exactly where he belonged, lying next to him, along his side, an arm wrapped around his middle, leg hooked over his thigh, Jack asked,

‘What did Stephen mean when he said you hadn’t been hurt ‘in a manner of speaking’?’

‘Nothing, really.’

‘And now the truth?’

Begrudgingly, he admitted, 'I haven’t been sleeping.’

This was the part Jack hadn’t thought through when he’d decided to get away for six weeks. Only too late had he realised the likely impact of his not being around for so long. 

‘I’m so sorry....’

‘Jack, it’s not on you.’

‘It is. I am so used to having people under my command, having people look to me for the big decisions, for leadership and direction. I’m not used to loving someone, being loved in return, having someone look to me for other things.’

‘I don’t want to be reliant on you.’ 

Jack shook his head. ‘That’s not what I’m talking about. I missed you like I’d miss oxygen. I didn’t know that’s how I’d feel, it never even crossed my mind that I needed you as much as you needed me, and the sheer depth of it….’ He turned his head, dropped a kiss to John’s hair because that’s all he could reach. 

‘I don’t want you stuck here because of me.’

‘I’m not stuck. I’m here because of you, because I want to share my life with you. I can be a fucking idiot sometimes.’

‘You told Stephen it wouldn’t happen again?’

‘Yeah, and you didn’t look too happy about it. Do you want me off the station...?’

John shifted up so they were face to face, fingertips moving through Jack’s beard. ‘You know what I missed most? I mean, apart from this, apart from the sex and the intimacy…? I missed going into the ISA offices and seeing you there, watching you work. The last three, four years have been hell. We’ve bounced from crisis to crisis like the ball in some cosmic pinball machine. At times I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t get my head above water long enough to breathe. I can’t find the words to tell you how much it means to me just to have you around.’

‘Six weeks was too long, by around... five weeks and six days. I never wanted to be away from you. The station, maybe, although for the life of me, I can’t remember why. This place is all kinds of crazy, and maybe that’s what I thought I needed to get away from for a while. I’ve got it out of my system. What happened to the Concord… Stephen’s right, it could have been a lot worse. I could have been killed and that has always been a risk in this job but I’m aware it’s not just my life anymore, it’s yours too. I’ll act accordingly in future.’

*

Jack picked a time when MedLab generally seemed to be quiet, late in the evening, between finishing work and heading to John’s to decide what to do for dinner. 

He stepped inside and looked around. Stephen was at his desk, reading reports. His role might have changed, but for the time being he’d opted to base himself in MedLab 5, to help out when he was needed, or when the president called. 

‘Stephen?’

He looked up. ‘Jack. Is everything okay?’

‘It is.’

‘How are the ribs?’ Jack didn’t want to say they were still sore. He didn’t want to explain why. But apparently his hesitation said it all. 

‘You two will be the death of me. Do you want me to take a look?’

He shook his head. ‘Nah. I’ll be fine. I’ve had worse. I need to ask you something.’

Stephen put down the reports and sat back, indicating the chair in front of his desk. Jack sat. ‘What’s up?’

‘It’s… about John, and Z’Ha’Dum.’

‘Okay….’

‘I’m not asking you to break patient confidentiality. I know you wouldn’t anyway. But is there anything you can tell me anything about… what happened to him when he was there? Michael said… he died there. And something tells me he wasn’t speaking metaphorically.’ Stephen nodded slowly. ’But as I understand it, he was gone two weeks, and then he just… came back?’

Pulling his chair right up to his desk, Stephen rested his forearms on the surface. ‘I don’t know what happened, exactly, because he’s never really talked about it. Do you know… Anna turned up, just before he went?’

Jack felt something tighten in his chest. ‘What? How is that… possible? She died, five years ago. I helped pick up the pieces.’

‘She didn’t die. She was… taken, used by the shadows. I guess they realised who they had, but by then it was too late; she was changed, she was different. I ran a gazillion tests when she came aboard, at John’s request. He was a mess, not knowing whether she was real, whether someone was fucking with him. But I found the scar tissue at the back of her neck that matched exactly the technology the shadows used to plug people into their ships.’ He sat up. ‘Do you want a drink?’

Jack nodded, watched him lift a bottle and two glasses from the bottom drawer of his desk, pour two generous measures of scotch and hand one over.

‘I found out later that Anna asked John to go with her to Z’Ha’Dum, and that he’d had Michael load a White Star with two thermonuclear bombs that G’Kar had provided for the war effort. From what I could piece together, John accompanied Anna down to the planet, to a large city. He was… held by the shadows and their agents, but he managed to send a message to the ship, crashing it into the city and detonating the devices. The explosion took out a major base of operations, a great many of the Shadow ships and of them. For two weeks, we thought John was dead. Then, one evening, he just… showed up, arrived on an alien transport. It was… a relief. A win. But everyone said he was different, harder. I guess it’s true no one ever returns from Z’Ha’Dum… unchanged. He’d built up all these defences, made it difficult to reach him. Obviously, the war and the rebellion eroded those defences over time, wore him down, and Clarke’s interrogators tore through what was left, so now he’s… softer, more vulnerable. I guess Lorien made him into what he needed to be at the time.’

‘But what does that mean? What was Lorien?’

‘Lorien was one of the first ones, possibly the first one. He’d been living on Z’Ha’Dum for what must have been thousands of years. He was the origin of the energy that brought John back, the energy that’s in his system, that I’m guessing you already know about?’ Jack nodded. ‘He came back with John to the station, helped in the war efforts, and when it was over, he led the remaining first ones out beyond the rim.’

Jack sat forward, dropping his face into his palms. He was trying to wrap his head around it all, but it wasn’t easy. ‘You’re saying John was… caught in a thermonuclear explosion.’

‘Not as such. Before he returned, there were reports of him falling into a crater just outside the city, around… two miles deep.’

‘So you’re telling me he fell two miles down. Died. And Lorien… brought him back?’

‘I don’t know for sure. Like I said, he didn’t talk about it. But obviously I examined him when he got back. Physically, he was in good health, possibly better than he had been since his arrival on the station. But he had a large contusion along his hairline, across the right side of his forehead, the type of injury I’d usually associate with serious subdural hematom and likely brain damage. I did find evidence that his skull had been cracked open, his spine broken, practically every bone in his body shattered, signs of massive internal trauma. But it was all healed, like it had happened years ago and not days.’

‘You didn’t want to know how that was possible?’

‘Of course I did. But he was being awfully cagey. Like I said, he was different. He was secretive, brittle. And given he was our best hope for winning the war against the shadows, I didn’t want to push too hard. Besides, Michael was asking all the questions. Being caught between them was like being caught in a lightening storm. Every time Michael pushed against him, he just pushed back. I know we should have realised there was something up, I know John blames himself for not seeing it. But with the war, everything was chaos.’

‘Michael said that the… energy keeping John alive won’t last long.’

‘Around… twenty years, give or take, barring illness or injury.’

‘Twenty years? He’ll only be in his sixties.’

‘I know. It’s not long enough.’

‘It’s not, and given what he’s been through, given how critically ill he was after Mars, how long has it left him with?’ 

Stephen looked directly at him. ‘Jack… he knows he’s lost some time. But he asked me not to tell him how much. So I can’t tell you. I’m sorry. I don’t think he minded, when it happened. He’d been willing to die on Z’Ha’Dum, so any extra time was a bonus. But then you came along, and you’ve changed more for him than you know. All I can say is… I think whatever it is keeping him alive, it finds a balance. It healed him on Z’Ha’Dum because otherwise he’d have stayed dead. And the universe needed him. But after Mars… we were there to help him, so it chose to let us and not to be used up. I know, it doesn’t make much sense, It’s just a theory. I’ve tried doing some research but our archives don’t go back thousands of years.’ Emptying his glass, he put it down gently on his desk. ‘Why now, Jack? It’s been months since you and he got together. Why do you want to know about all this now?’

Jack looked at Stephen over the rim of his glass, and smiled for the first time since walking into MedLab.

‘Because I’m going to ask him to marry me.’

*

The plan was to meet Susan and Marcus for dinner. Jack was slowly pulling together a whole new wardrobe. He’d practically lived in his uniform for the last three decades and was almost enjoying taking time, and advice from various friends and new colleagues, to pick out new clothes. John had a good supply of warm shirts and the jumpers Susan imported for him. He still had problems with his body unable to regulate temperature properly and he was always cold, whereas Jack found the station’s ambient temperature to be a little higher than he was used to.

He decided on a burgundy coloured shirt for dinner, paired with black trousers. He’d picked up some black jeans from a hideously expensive place in Red sector that Stephen had recommended, but he hadn’t worn them yet. It felt wrong, somehow, even though the ISA hadn’t specified any sort of dress code for any of its staff. 

He found himself whistling as he made his way up two floors to John’s quarters. He stopped immediately, not wanting to offend those of a sensitive oratory nature. Pressing his hand to the scanner, saying his name, the door opened and Jack stepped inside. 

‘I know I’m early, but I was wondering what you thought of this-‘ He stopped talking, forgot what it was he was going to say. John was standing in the bedroom, half turned towards the door, looking like he was trying to get a cufflink through the sleeve of a jet black shirt tucked into black trousers which hugged the globes of his ass in a way that made Jack’s mouth water. He crossed the room, staring at John with naked hunger, touching as soon as he was close enough. 

‘Christ, how am I supposed to...’ he trailed off, sliding one hand up the back of John’s thigh, tracing the curve of his ass through expensive cotton, his other hand cupping the gorgeous swell of his genitals at the front.

‘Carry on doing that and we’ll never make dinner.’ John’s voice was rough, the cufflink forgotten, hands resting loosely on Jack’s arms. 

Reluctantly, Jack forced himself to take a step back, to stop groping and take John’s hands in his. ‘You look drop-dead gorgeous. I want to get on my knees, take you out of these... exquisite pants and slide your beautiful cock all the way to the back of my throat.’

‘Jesus, Jack....’ John’s kiss was almost brutal, gentling quickly. He could feel John’s erection against his hip and it was too much. Jack dropped to his knees, unzipped John’s fly, reached inside and wrapped his hand around the silky steel of his cock, pulling it free, taking it into his mouth.

John cried out in surprise, hands landing on Jack’s shoulders. ‘Oh, God....’

Jack curled his fingers around the underside of John’s balls, working the shaft in his mouth with his tongue, ever so gently scraping his teeth along the length. John’s fingers moved restlessly on his shoulders, one hand sliding up to settle on his head, combing through his hair without applying any pressure. There were still conversations to be had, he knew John was holding back at least some of what he liked, or at least used to like, but that was for later. For now, Jack dipped the tip of his tongue into the slit of John’s cock and he came with a cry of joy. Jack swallowed every drop, licking him clean before sitting back and tucking him away again, zipping up, straightening his shirt over his flat stomach.

He looked up, drank in the sheer happiness of John’s expression, then carefully got up off his knees. ‘Christ, I’m getting too old for this.’ He steadied himself on John’s arms and was surprised when John kissed him, sweeping his tongue into his mouth like he wanted to taste himself. Jack groaned softly. Everything about this man was a turn on.

‘We’re going to be so late.’

‘We are.’ He stepped back, rearranged himself, hoping his pants were loose enough to hide his arousal. ‘This can wait.’

John looked as sceptical as he felt. 

*

‘I am so sorry we’re late,’ John apologised, thanking the waiter for showing them to the table.

‘Apology accepted,’ Susan said with a smile. 

Marcus was smirking. ‘With you dressed like that, I’m surprised you made it here at all.’

John looked down at himself. ‘It’s just a shirt and trousers.’ He caught the glance between Marcus and Jack. ‘Seriously, what is it about my clothes?’ He looked at Susan, who was eyeing him up.

‘You do look very sexy, if I’m allowed to say that to the president.’ She winked at him.

‘Thank you. I think. Will you two quit staring?’

‘I think Jack’s wondering how long it is before he can politely find an excuse to take you home.’

‘Jack’s already-‘ He stopped talking, shaking his head as Susan’s eyebrows shot up and Marcus started laughing. ‘Can we just order?’

They had a good night. Susan and Marcus were good company. Jack was still moved by the way he’d been welcomed and accepted by these people who’d been to hell and back at John’s side. 

The corridors of Blue sector were quiet as they made their way back to John’s quarters, arms loosely around one another, Jack swaying just slightly from the wine he was almost certain Susan had been plying him throughout the meal.

Stephen had advised John not to drink alcohol, given the levels of other chemicals he had in his system. The impact of an anaesthetic or pain meds was bad enough, reacting with the drugs in his bloodstream to make him sick as a dog. Stephen said he wasn’t sure what effect alcohol would have, but had said it would be better for him just to steer clear. John didn’t seem to mind, he didn’t seem to miss it. 

Stepping into the darkened quarters, John set the lights up to twenty percent. Jack moved with him, reached for his left hand and pulled him gently round so they were face to face. He stroked his fingertips over the foil strip still wrapped around John’s ring finger. He’d noticed it again at dinner.

‘Did you wear this while I was away?’

‘No.’ Jack felt a little disappointed. ‘Not all the time. But after the distress call came in from the Concord, before I left for the White Star, I came back here and saw it next to the bed, put it on. I forgot to take it off again.’

‘I saw you wearing it when we were in MedLab and it got me thinking… maybe we should get real ones.’

It was a second before he had the balls to look up, to see John’s reaction. It could have been worse. Could have been better. Clearly the answer wasn’t the easy ‘yes’ he’d been hoping for. John was staring at him like he was trying to work out if there’d even been a question.

‘Did you just…?’

Jack dropped to one knee, carefully, deliberately not looking at his crotch just in case he got waylaid. ‘John Sheridan, will you do me the honour of marrying me?’ John continued to stare at him, utterly bemused. ‘You’re supposed to say yes.’

‘Am I?’ He shrugged and then nodded. ‘Okay. Why not?’

Jack got up, laughing despite himself. ‘Why not? No one in the history of romance has ever answered ‘why not’ to a proposal of marriage.’ He backed John up until his shins hit the bed and he was forced to sit down, shifted his knees apart so he could stand between them. He combed his fingers into John’s hair, pressing an almost chaste kiss to his mouth. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Has anyone told you about… what happened to me at Z’Ha’Dum?’

‘You mean about you dying and one of the first ones bringing you back, giving you more time?’

‘Twenty years. And that was before Mars. I don’t know how long I’ve got left.’

‘Is that why you didn’t just leap at the chance to marry me?’

John’s hands rested on Jack’s waist. ‘A little part of me keeps thinking… I should let you go, let you find someone you’ll have a chance of growing old with. But that’s the last thing I want; I can’t lose you. Before you… twenty years was enough, it was plenty. Now… it feels like nothing. I want to be the one growing old with you and that’s going to be denied to me.’

‘The way you’ve been going, the chances of you growing old are fairly small.’ It was meant as a joke, but Jack saw tears spring up in John’s eyes. Ever so gently, he kissed him. ‘John, I want to be with you. I don’t care how long we have, no one ever knows how long they’re going to get. But however long it is, I want my time with you.’

John’s smile was perfect. ‘In which case, my answer’s yes.’

‘Finally!’ With an encouraging push to his shoulders, John lay back, shuffled further onto the bed and pulled Jack with him. Hands either side of John’s head, knees either side of his hips, he touched his lips to the tip of his nose. ‘Eventually we’ll get too old to have sex anyway, and then what’ll be the point?’ John opened his mouth to protest, and Jack stuck his tongue inside, turning it into a kiss that sent blood draining into his cock. He lay down carefully along John’s side, pressing his thigh between John’s legs, feeling his erection strain against the confines of his trousers. 

‘I owe you a blowjob.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll collect eventually. But not tonight. I want something else tonight.’

He moved his leg down, slowly unzipped John’s fly and reached in to press his hand along the length of his cock, leaning down to kiss him. 

Pausing to slip the button, he pushed John’s trousers and underwear down just far enough that he could see his hand setting a lazy rhythm, the purple head of John’s erection, the soft foreskin and already weeping slit.

‘You’re so beautiful like this,’ he murmured. ‘You respond to every touch with such open honestly, such naked desire….’ On the next upwards slide, he pressed his thumb gently into the slit, rubbing the pre-cum over the sensitive head. John moaned, lifted his hips to press further into Jack’s hand, a silent plea to speed up, but Jack kept the slow, maddening pace. ‘I don’t want this to be over too soon. I love to watch you come apart with my hands on you. And after you come, Johnny, I’m going take your pants all the way down, push your legs up and slide inside you until I’m balls deep, then I’m going to stay there, filling you, stretching you, opening you up until all you know is me, all you can feel is me. When I make love to you, it’s going to be at this pace, pressing into you over and over again, going slow, coming so deep inside you-‘

John came with what was almost a scream, cock jumping in Jack’s hand, John’s whole body shuddering with the force of his orgasm. He gripped Jack’s shoulder, his arm, shaking. 

‘Jesus Christ…..’

Jack loosened his grip, easing him through it, riding it out until the shudders became shivers. He kissed his mouth, his face, his neck, murmuring softly. Finally he let his hand just rest over John’s softened cock and lifted his head, catching his breath at what he saw in the vivd blue of John’s eyes. 

‘That was….’ He trailed off. ‘I don’t even know the words to describe how I feel about you,’ John murmured, brushing a still shaking hand over Jack’s cheek, his neck. ‘I hope you’re going to follow up on those promises….’

Jack undressed. He unfastened John’s shirt and opened it, kissing his way down his chest, over his stomach, licking at his scars and the cooling semen on his skin. He felt John shiver again and eased his trousers and underwear down his legs and off over his feet. Kneeling up on the bed, he reached for the lube, squeezed it directly onto his aching erection, running his hands over John’s taut thighs as he lifted finely muscled legs to his shoulders. He pressed inside gently, waiting with just the tip in that tight heat until John told him to move. Then he pushed forward, locking eyes with John, watching every nuance of his expression, seeing every moment of pain and every wave of pleasure.

He stilled when he was all the way in, just shifting his hips, stroking John’s prostate. He stayed right there, making tiny movements until John was pleading, begging, sliding one leg down Jack’s back, trying to draw him even deeper. He felt fingernails claw at his shoulders and relented, pushing his hips back, sliding almost all the way out before pausing there with a strength of will he didn’t know he had.

John swore brightly, and with a smile, Jack snapped his hips forward, pressing smoothly back all the way in. He couldn’t stop then even if he’d wanted to. His whole body was crying out for release and he lost himself in it; long thrusts forward, heated slides back. He felt it building, pushed deep and came hard, almost painfully. He wasn’t aware of much for a minute or so; just hands stroking his back, heat all around him. 

Then suddenly he was aware that his entire body weight was resting on John. His lifted himself up onto shaking arms, feeling his dick softening but still held in John’s body. It was nice in way he didn’t know quite how to describe. He looked at John’s face and saw the now familiar, naked wonder and unconditional love bordering on worship. It was addictive, being looked at like that.

Eventually, he forced himself to move, eased out carefully, kissing the backs of John’s knees as he cautiously lowered his feet to the bed. Once he was sure he could stand without his legs giving way, Jack went to the bathroom, cleaned himself up and took a wet cloth through to the bedroom, doing the same for John. It was almost a ritual, and while they both understood what it was about, they’d never spoken of it.

Dropping the cloth to the floor climbing back onto the bed, he curled himself around John, pulled the covers over them, and for a long time they just lay together. It must have been an hour later that Jack sought out John’s left hand and rested his fingertips on the folded beer bottle foil around his finger. 

*

No one had noticed during the rescue mission to the Concord, of course they hadn’t. John had barely been aware of it himself. But after he’d showered and dressed that morning, he saw the small black circle on the bedside table and after a second’s consideration, slipped it on. He’d only stopped wearing his wedding ring a year after coming to Babylon 5, so it felt almost natural to have something encircling that finger. But there was a thrill to knowing it was Jack’s ring. So to speak.

He’d agreed to wearing the real thing, but not to actually getting married until they made the move to Minbar. He’d pointed out that sharing quarters on the station wasn’t going to work for either of them, that they both needed space, and that he didn’t want another ceremony taking place aboard B5 where he and those he loved were sitting ducks for any lunatic who wanted to take a potshot.

‘Besides,’ he’d told Jack before he’d left for a shower and a change of clothing, ‘Liz really doesn’t want people blowing up any more of her station. She holds us directly responsible for the last time.’

He met Michael, Susan and Stephen for breakfast in the mess hall. They sat at the end of a long table, as they always did, stole food from each others’ plates, as they always did, and it was when he went for a sneak attack on Michael’s last piece of toast that Susan sat up, pointed at his finger with her fork, and asked, ‘What is that?’ in a voice loud enough that most of the crew heard her.

He answered truthfully. ‘It’s the foil from a beer bottle.’ 

‘Why?’

‘Jack gave it me before he left on the Concord. He was just… messing about, trying to make me feel better about him leaving.’ He glanced at Stephen, knowing Jack had gone to see him yesterday, knowing he’d told him. Susan saw the silent exchange.

‘Something’s going on.’

Looking at them, his friends, from one to the other, his eyes settled on Michael for a moment longer before he said, ‘Last night… Jack asked me to marry him.’

Stephen clapped his hands, sitting back like he was relieved he didn’t have to keep it a secret any longer. Susan grinned from ear to ear, leaned over the table and kissed his cheek.

‘Congratulations.’

‘Thanks.’

At his side, Michael… Michael was smiling too. He held out his hand and when John took it, he pulled him into a hug. 

‘I am really happy for you,’ he murmured, and John knew he meant it. 

‘Thanks, Mike. I was worried….’

‘These last few months, you’ve been so happy. You’ve smiled more, you’ve laughed more. Only a complete bastard would deny you that. I’m your friend, I love you, but he’s so good for you and he’s clearly absolutely crazy about you.’

‘Look at that smile!’ Susan sounded as joyous as he felt. ‘You know, I’d never have pegged you as a complete romantic sap. You think you know someone….’

‘I am not!’

‘You’re wearing a beer bottle foil,’ Michael pointed out.

‘He’s getting a couple of rings. But we’re not actually going to have a ceremony until we get to Minbar. No point in setting up yet another opportunity for the people who keep trying to kill me.’

‘I think that’s the first sensible thing I’ve ever heard you say,’ Stephen mused, and John kicked him under the table.

Jack was waiting for John in his office. He’d had an early meeting with some of the Pak’ma’ra delegation, which meant he’d missed breakfast, but this was something he needed to sort out. He heard Michael, Stephen, Susan and John out in the corridor, and going by what they were saying, he knew either Stephen had blabbed, or John had told them. Hopefully not in too much detail. He sat up on John’s desk, looking around him at the neat surface, nothing personal on it at all except for a small origami bird, what looked like orange blossom encased in clear resin, and a wood carving that might have been an animal of some sort, had it been finished.

‘Hey.’ John beamed when he stepped into his office and saw him. He was expecting that, but he wasn’t expecting John to cross to him, kick his legs apart and stand between them. ‘Missed you at breakfast.’ 

Reaching up to touch John’s hand where it rested on his chest, he touched the black foil around his finger. It reminded him that there was something else he needed to do today. ‘You told them, I gather?’

‘Susan saw that and asked about it.’

‘And was everyone okay with it?’

John leaned in and touched his lips to Jack’s as he murmured, ‘Uhhu.’

Jack hummed softly into the kiss, putting his hands firmly on the surface of the desk. If he put them on John again, they could feasibly end up doing something utterly untoward in an office with an open door.

‘As much as I’ve fantasised about you bending me over this desk and fucking me until I come all over the presidential paperwork, I do need to talk to you in your official capacity.’

John licked his lips. ‘You think about that too?’

‘You want to bend me over your desk?’

‘God, yes. Bend you over it, have you bend me over it, have you suck me off in that chair, or drop to my knees and suck you off right here.’

Jack stared at him, part arousal, part amazement. ‘Christ, Johnny….’ 

With a lingering smile, John stepped back, breaking the tension. ‘So, what’s up?’

It took a Jack a moment to compose himself. He stood as John walked around his desk, rearranged himself. ‘The… minerals we found on the Pak’ma’ra outpost, they could help the entire race, if we can persuade the local council to share with the other Pak’ma’ra worlds. Their council leader is visiting Karus 4 in a couple of days and I was hoping you could… have a word?’

John was nodding. ‘There was a quake on Karus 4 a few days ago. The epicentre was just outside the main city. A couple of their prayer temples collapsed. We sent some aid to help in the search for survivors, and a team of engineers to help ensure the structural integrity of what remained. That’ll be why the council leader is visiting. It’s just a two hour journey from here… but you knew that.’ 

Jack shrugged. ‘I may have checked.’

‘Are you taking advantage of your access to the president, Mr Maynard?’

‘Hey, what’s the point of being First Gentleman if I can’t pull a few strings once in a while?’

‘I’ll speak to the Pak’ma’ra ambassador here on B5, but we can disguise it as a diplomatic trip to ensure they have all the aid they need from the ISA. I can take one of the White Stars.’

‘And a security detail.’

‘As if Michael would let me off this station without one. You’re lucky he hasn’t assigned me a bodyguard twenty-four-seven! I’ll be fine.’ His link beeped once. ‘Sorry, I’ve got a meeting with a few of the rangers on board one of Minbari cruisers. I’m meeting Delenn in shuttle bay 2.’

‘In which case, I’ll let you get to work.’ He leaned over the desk and John met him halfway in a kiss. ‘I’ll see you later.’

Jack knew Babylon 5 wasn’t all peace and harmony, but he hadn’t really been prepared for a firefight to start right outside the station. Although firefight was probably pushing it. A renegade EarthForce transport had come through the jump gate and opened fire on the first thing they saw. Unfortunately for them there was considerable fire power protecting the station, its crew and residents, and the staff and president of the ISA, so the first thing they saw was a Minbari war cruiser. It took the first wave of gun fire without sustaining any damage, before blowing the EarthForce ship into pieces with a single shot from one laser canon.

The resulting explosion was a small but blinding white flash, which was only noticed by those in C&C, on the observation decks, and out on the ships posted around the station. Jack was on the command deck of a Narn warship, running battle strategies with its captain. He knew John was aboard one of the Minbari ships but he wasn’t sure which one. And when he saw something fire at the one closest to them he could have sworn his heart missed a beat. A second later, when the smaller ship was destroyed, he put in a call to C&C and Liz reassured him no-one, other than the renegade idiots from EarthForce, had been hurt. No other ships had been damaged. As far as she knew, John was fine. 

To the command crew of B5, it was just one in a number of incidents during the day. To those in the operations base of the newly established ISA, it was barely remarked upon. Even John, who had been aboard the Minbari cruiser that had been fired upon, didn’t think it worth mentioning when Jack put a call through to him at lunchtime to check he was okay.

They were used to it, but Jack wasn’t. 

He found John in the observation deck above C&C, later that evening. There was no one else there, it was off limits to civilians and the station’s command staff who used it were mainly those on shift taking a break. When John saw him, he put one leg over the bench he was sitting on, and tugged at Jack’s hand. He sat down, back to John’s chest, leaning back against him, John’s arms wrapping around his middle. Jack found John’s left hand, slid his fingers down to his wrist and rested them over his pulse, breathing easy for the first time since the transport attack on the Minbari cruiser. 

‘Susan told me you saw the EarthForce ship this morning, saw it fire on the cruiser.’

Jack nodded. ‘I didn’t know which one you were on.’

‘It takes more than a Condor to do any kind of damage to one of those things.’

‘Maybe a Condor exploding within spitting distance of it?’

‘We didn’t even know it had happened until we were leaving and one of the crew brought Delenn up to speed.’ 

‘Was it always like this around here?’

‘More or less. It’s dangerous out here, you know that. And because of what we did, we made it a hell of a lot more dangerous for ourselves.’

Jack moved his fingers from John’s pulse point, up to the foil around his finger. He played with it for a minute or so, then he sat up and turned around so that they were face to face. From his trouser pocket he pulled a small, black velvet bag and emptied the contents into John’s open palm.

Two platinum rings dropped into his hand, smooth, narrow bands. Without saying a word, John took one, and gave the other to Jack. Then he took Jack’s left hand in his, leaned forward to touch his lips to the back of his ring finger, and slid the band into place. 

‘I promise not to scare you every day of our lives,’ he murmured.

Jack smiled and mirrored his action, sliding the foil off before before replacing it with the real thing, giving the foil back to John.

‘I promise never to leave you.’ 

Lacing their fingers together with reverence, they shared a kiss with only the stars as their witnesses. 

It felt so simple, so easy. Natural. 

‘Hungry?’

Jack nodded. ‘Let’s get takeout. I don’t want to share you with the rest of the station tonight.’

*

Dumping the empties in the recycling, Jack refilled his wine glass and stepped back into the living area. John was curled into one corner of the sofa, long sleeves pulled up over his fingers, a glass of non-alcoholic wine in his hands. He had one leg stretched out along the sofa cushions, the other tucked under him. And he was looking up at Jack with a smile of utter contentment.

He sat down in the other corner, lifting John’s bare foot into his lap, pressing the fingers of one hand gently into the muscles under his toes. 

‘Were they all okay about us?’ He asked, curiously. ‘I know you said they were, but you’re very protective.’

‘They really were excited for us. All of them. Of course, Stephen already knew, and he looked like he wasn’t going to be able to keep your secret for long.’

‘Stephen keeps the secrets of everyone aboard this station.’

‘He didn’t look like he wanted to keep this one.’

‘No.’ Jack could appreciate that. ‘What about Michael?’

‘He was happy for me, genuinely. For us.’

‘I think you were right the first time.’

‘He does like you.’

Jack shrugged, ‘Maybe. He’d be happier if I’d never come aboard. Never boarded the Aggy.’

‘I’m happy. Before you contacted me from the Agamemnon, I’d read about the Cortez in the reports. I thought you were dead and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe. Every time I use your Egyptian blessing I think about you. But when I saw the Cortez on the list of lost ships, it all came flooding back: Mars, Earth, Ganymede…. I was fine just knowing you were out there, even if I wasn’t ever going to see you again. Thinking you’d been killed in some random attack by our own government really fucking hurt. Then your message came through. It just said, ‘message from the Agamemnon’ and I thought it was Captain James. When I saw your face…. It had been a very long time since I’d had anything to be happy about.’

‘I was a bit battered, if I remember rightly.’

‘You were a beautiful sight for very sore eyes. Leading the final assault from the Agamemnon felt like poetry, symmetry, but knowing you were on board made it feel right.’ He wiggled his toes under Jack’s hand. ‘Obviously, it wasn’t my plan to turn up half dead….’

‘The best laid plans and all that.’ Jack leaned forward and kissed the top of John’s big toe. ‘Can I ask you something… personal?’

John laughed. ‘If you can’t, who can?’

‘Did you and Delenn ever…?’

‘Ever what?’ For a moment he seemed genuinely confused. Then the penny dropped. ‘Did we sleep together?’

‘You were close, I thought, during the shadow war.’

He nodded. ‘Yes, we were. Comrades, two people fighting for a common purpose. She saved our asses more times than I can remember. But it was never like that. I like her, a great deal, I respect her. But she’s really not my type. Besides, I’m not sure the Minbari do casual sex.’ 

‘So, apart from Michael…?’

‘When I first came here, I was still mourning Anna. Michael and I were… what we both needed at the time. Not casual but not serious. Something in between. But he was enough, more than enough, and when that fell apart… I didn’t have the time or the strength to even think about sex.’

Unfolding his leg out from underneath him, John added his other foot to the one in Jack’s lap, shifting down slightly so he could trace the bulge between his legs with his toes.

‘Michael was taken away from you.’

‘I was as much to blame as he was. He pushed and I pushed right back. We both came back to the station different people. At least I understand where he was coming from. When I look back, I’d just let it all go to my head; sacrificing myself to hurt the shadows, being brought back from the dead by an ancient alien, having Kosh inside me.’ He rolled his eyes at Jack’s expression. ’Mind out of the gutter, Maynard.’ He shook his head. ‘I was high on it all, especially after we got the Vorlons and the Shadows to fuck off. The rebellion and the fight against Clarke… Mars… it tore it all down. Both Michael and I have changed too much to be anything more than friends now, even if you hadn’t come along. But you did come along, and you are all I want from now on.’

The ring on Jack’s finger caught the light and John felt a pulse of heat in his groin. He couldn’t believe how much of a turn on it was to see it there. He felt Jack hardening against his foot and stroked him more deliberately with his toe, dragging a moan from him.

Jack curled his fingers around John’s foot but didn’t make any effort to move it away from his groin. ‘You do not play fair.’

‘What did we do tonight?’

‘We made a commitment to one another. Nothing more serious or less than that. If you’re having cold feet….’

‘My feet are quite hot actually.’ 

Jack smiled, and starting with his little toe, he traced each one with his fingertip, dipping into the spaces between them. John could feel his cock starting to strain against the confines of his trousers. 

‘Two can play,’ Jack murmured, lifted John’s foot to his mouth and licked his big toe, sliding his lips over the top of it. 

John moaned in earnest, shifting his hips, trying to ease the pressure. 

‘Take it out,’ Jack told him. John stared. ‘You know you want to. Show me.' Pulse racing, feeling heat in his cheeks, John unzipped and pulled his dick out, palming it. ‘I want to watch you jerk yourself off, my ring on your finger, sliding up and down that fucking gorgeous cock.’

It was all he could do not to come there and then. He took a deep breath, and wrapped his hand - thumb and three fingers - around himself, prosthetic pinkie lacking grip. He went as slow as he could, not once breaking eye contact with Jack, trying to get some payback with his free foot. But between Jack’s tongue on his toes and the movement of his own hand, he couldn’t focus.

Lowering John’s foot back into his lap, Jack murmured, ‘I want you to come for me, John, all over that expensive suit. I want to watch you do it.’ John’s hand sped up, his head tipping back. ‘Look at me.’ He did as he was told, the heat of Jack’s stare like a searing brand. He slid his thumb over the wet head, pressed into the slit and came, streaking his shirt and trousers.

Jack dropped his feet to the sofa and came at him on all fours, shifting so he was straddling John’s thighs, practically in his lap. Taking John’s head in his hands, he licked his tongue over his lips and into his mouth. Surprised, John kissed him, hand still on his own softening cock, the other locking around the back of his neck, holding him there for a second before sliding down his back, urging him closer. Somehow he got his zip down and shoved his hand into his underwear, wrapping long fingers around his erection and pumping him once, twice, before he felt Jack come; felt the hot semen on his skin and the shudder of the body in his lap.

‘Jesus fucking Christ.’ Jack rested his forehead against John’s, eyes closed, breathing hard. 

Sliding clean fingers into the soft, short hair, John waited until his breathing had calmed before he asked, ‘Okay?’ and Jack nodded, sitting back, looking down between them; John’s dick rested against the stained black trousers and his hand was still inside Jack’s underwear.

‘Messy.’

‘Yeah. You can explain this to my laundry service.’ Drawing him gently towards him, John kissed him again. 

‘Seeing that ring on your finger is such a turn on.’

‘I was thinking exactly the same thing about yours. There’s something so erotic in knowing it’s for me. It’s almost as if… it means only I can touch you.’ 

Jack put his hand against John’s chest, not putting any pressure through it, just resting his palm over his heart. ‘That’s exactly what it means.’

‘And only you can touch me.’ Something flashed in Jack’s expression, there and gone in a second, something he couldn’t interpret exactly but could take a wild guess at. ‘I see you watching me sometimes. I love having you here, on the station, working close by, but you’re the worst kind of distraction.’

‘I’ll give you an image to distract you next time you’re in the conference room. I can’t stop thinking about bending you over that weird glass table and fucking you, hard and fast. I don’t care who sees.’

John’s cock twitched and he dropped his head back with a groan. ‘You, me, naked in bed. Before you wreck any more of my clothing, or my couch.’

*

‘Delenn!’ John accosted her in the corridor on her way to the ISA offices.

‘John.’ She stopped, turned to face him, bright smile on her face. He met it with one of his own. ‘You look… so happy this morning, like the sunshine.’

It struck him for a moment how long it had been since he’d seen the sunshine. ‘I have a favour to ask.’ 

‘You are welcome to anything it is within my power to give.’

‘Well, hopefully it won’t be too complicated.’

She was still smiling. ‘Why don’t you tell me what it is you need from me, John, and I will tell you how complicated it is.’ 

‘Jack and I… we’re going to get married.’

She lit up even brighter. ‘Congratulations! That is wonderful news.’ She reached for his hands. ‘He’s clearly very much in love with you and you with him.’

‘Thank you.’

Her fingers brushed over the platinum band on his finger and she lifted his hand to look closely. ‘Is it not human tradition to wait until the marriage ceremony before you exchange rings?’

‘Usually, yes.’ He nodded. ‘It’s… difficult to explain.’

She looked at him and for a moment he felt like she was looking into his soul. ‘I understand, John. So what is this favour you want from me?’

‘We’d like to get married on Minbar, if we can.’

‘Of course! It would be an honour to hold your ceremony. Why would you think that would be a complicated request?’

‘Well… neither of us are religious. And I wasn’t certain how Minbari felt about marriage between two people of the same gender.’

‘Minbari believe we love who we love. Gender has never been a consideration for us. When two Minbari fall in love, we see only that love, we see who they are and not what they are. You and Jack are clearly, as you say, crazy about one another. You have found one another. It will be an honour to celebrate that. I’m sure we will be able to arrange a ceremony that’s acceptable to you and your betrothed, and without the fifty or so rituals that should be performed before a Minbari wedding.’

John’s eyes widened. ‘Fifty?’ 

‘Sometimes more.’

He wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not. ‘Well, thank you. It’ll mean so much to us.’

‘John, after all your sacrifices, this is the very least we can do.’

*

Jack watched, relieved, as the White Star flew in to Babylon 5 space through her own jump gate, so graceful, such a beautiful ship. John had told him about the day Delenn had given him the first one; a gift. Presumably in return for his life, his sanity and his soul. Still, it was a vey nice ship.

The trip to Karus 4 had apparently gone off without incident. There were no calls for a medical team to meet them in the shuttle bay, no drama at all accompanied the president’s return from the quick diplomatic mission. Jack hoped it had been successful.

Happy John was safely back within touching distance of the station, he headed back to the offices. 

‘Mr Maynard?’ He stopped to let the guy chasing him catch up. ‘There’s a message for you from General Ryan.’ He handed Jack the acetate. 

‘Thank you.’

He’d never really expected to hear from the General again, and started to read the message with some trepidation but it just referred him to an email, with a warning to read it somewhere private and away from prying eyes. He went to John’s office, logged into the terminal and checked his account. After he’d read the mail from Ryan, he tapped on the link. It was all he could do not to break the screen with his fist, and the only thing that stopped him was the thought of having to explain to John why he’d done it.

He linked in through ISA channels and left a message for Garibaldi to contact him as soon as he got back on board, and not to mention it to John.

*

As badly as he wanted a drink, he got that meeting Michael in a bar wasn’t on. So they met in the Zocalo’s best coffee shop. 

‘Thanks for coming. How was Karus 4?’

‘Dusty. And it’s not a problem. What’s up?’

‘How much did Stephen or John tell you about what happened on Mars, before we blew the facility up?’

‘Stephen didn’t tell me anything and I didn’t ask. John said it was bad. You went a little crazy talking about the vids you found. But I don’t know any details and I don’t really want to know.’ 

Jack rubbed his face with his hands. ‘Our primary role was to retrieve the bodies left after the fighting. The facility had no defences against attack from the air. While the main staging area was in tact, the perimeter had been completely destroyed, as had a transport that was docked. We thought anyone who’d been there while John was being held would either have been killed in the bombing, or would have died soon afterwards. The scouting team had to bring the power and air filtration systems back online before we even went down.’

‘Okay.’

‘We never thought someone might have already left before the attack. It didn’t even cross my mind.’ 

‘Like… a shift change?’

‘No. Just one man. Taking something with him. Proof. That they had John in custody. ISN were broadcasting grainy vids people had shot in the bar; a fight, an unconscious man being taken away. That wasn’t going to cut it for Clarke’s political rivals or allies. They would have needed evidence. And it seems they got that from one of Clarke’s lieutenants who left Mars a couple of hours after John’s arrival at the facility.’

‘What was the evidence?’ Michael’s voice was hard, like he was trying his best not to let rip.

‘A photograph. Not a vid, apparently, because presumably Clarke didn’t want to risk evidence of John’s treatment being leaked to the media.’

‘Have you seen it?’

Jack nodded. ‘General Ryan sent me a copy with his message. It was emailed to some top people in Luchenko’s administration.’

‘Why? Who sent the emails?’

‘They don’t know. But they think… whoever did it is coming here. They think whoever has the original file is trying to blackmail Luchenko.’

‘To do what?’

‘Admit the truth. Admit John was tortured, admit our government practises this kind of imprisonment and coercion of political prisoners. They’re not out to hurt him, Ryan doesn’t believe that’s their intention. But he thinks whoever it is may try to make contact with John, to get him onside.’

He could see Michael’s fingers turning white on the cup in his hands. ‘Is it bad, the photo?’

Jack took a deep breath. ‘When we arrived at the facility, the first room we went in to…. I think both Stephen and I thought we were in a gas chamber. But John told us the jets in the ceiling weren’t for gas, they were for water, hot and cold.’ He took a steadying breath. ‘After they’d taken their time softening him up, beating the shit out of him, he was stripped and chained to a metal ring in the floor of that room, under the jets, and they were turned on. Afterwards, he was taken wet, naked and in shock to the holding cell. Stephen and I inadvertently saw the vid of him being thrown inside. The photo is from his transfer from the wet room to the holding cell. It looks like it was taken in the corridor between the two rooms. There are guards flanking him, two have hold of his arms. He’s in restraints and chains.’ Jack sat, elbows on the table, biting the knuckle of his thumb until he felt Michael’s hand on his forearm.

‘I will find the bastard who has the original and I’ll space him.’

Jack shook his head. ‘You can’t kill him. He’s doing this for what he believes are the right reasons.’

‘The last thing John is going to want is for any of this to be dragged up again. Even if, just for one crazy moment, he gets it into his head that the cause is worth him suffering for, I won’t let it happen.’

Meeting Michael’s gaze, Jack nodded. ‘Thank you. Please don’t let him find out about this unless you have no choice. I know he seems like he’s recovered, like he’s as strong as he once was, but he isn’t. He’s just about managed to pull together the tattered parts of himself. He’s more fragile than he looks now, and I am so scared of losing him down a rabbit hole just because some fucking asshole has decided he’s doing what’s right, and wants to use someone else’s suffering to make a point.’

‘Hey. I know asking you to trust me is still asking a lot, but you know John trusts me. You know I’d do anything for him, you know I’d die for him.’

‘I wouldn’t have come to you if I didn’t trust you, Michael.’

‘Okay. Good. You take care of him, and I’ll take care of this.’

*

It was late when Jack let himself into John’s quarters. He could hear the shower running and as he walked through into the bedroom, and he took a couple of deep breaths, trying to let go of the situation and all its potential outcomes for the time being, not wanting John to see the stress in him. 

The bathroom door was standing open, which he took as an invitation, and for a few seconds he leaned against the door frame and watched John through the steam and the frosted glass of the shower. Even just his outline was sexy as hell. How he’d got this lucky, he had no idea. He didn’t think he actually deserved someone like this; brave, beautiful, crazy as fuck. 

He stood there until he saw John wipe the steam from a patch of glass and beckon him in.

John watched Jack undress and step into the shower with him, already hard. 

‘Karus 4 is a very dusty place,’ he explained. ‘I had sand in places I didn’t want sand.’

Jack’s hands skimmed over wet skin, settling at his waist. 

‘No explanation needed,’ he murmured before he licked John’s left nipple, bit down on it ever so gently, and licked it again, doing the same with the right one. Then he reached around and took the soap from the tray in the corner of the cubicle. 

John let himself be washed all over again, watching Jack’s hands on his skin, soapy bubbles catching in the light hairs on his chest, water taking them down into the hair at his groin. He moaned softly as Jack crouched to wash his legs, hands moving from the tops of his thighs to his ankles, avoid his hardening erection. 

When he stood again, he took a step back and said, ‘Turn around.’

John did as he was told and Jack rubbed soapy hands over his neck, shoulders, along his arms and down his back, following the curve of his spine to the top of his ass. Once his whole body was slippy with soap, the water running between them, Jack pressed up against his back, reaching around to tease the hard buds of his nipples, sweep down over his abs and stomach, combing through his pubic hair before finally reaching his cock. Just the briefest of touches, moving on down to cup his balls and slide a questing finger along his perineum. 

‘Lean forward.’

John put his hands flat on the tiled wall, bent slightly at his middle, and felt Jack’s fingers slide between his ass cheeks, a fingertip brushing over his hole before applying a little pressure and slipping easily inside. John gave a quiet cry, pushed back as best he could and Jack’s middle finger slid all the way in. 

It was all John could do to keep standing as Jack fucked him slowly, with just that finger, letting him relax and open up before he added a second. 

‘Please….’

Jack responded by sliding his other hand from John’s hip around to his cock, taking it in a slippery grip and letting John slide against his palm as he moved his hips back and forth, setting his own rhythm between Jack’s hand and the fingers inside him. On the next push back, John felt a third finger open him wider, twisting gently inside him. Jack tightened his hand on John’s cock and he came with a shout, shuddering, Jack’s hands keeping him from losing balance.

The running water washed away the mess as Jack stroked soapy hands over his erection and lined the blunt head up, pushing through the ring of muscle. John reached back blindly, grabbed at Jack’s waist and pulled him closer, deeper, pushing his hips back. The position, the angle, was awkward, but he could feel every slide of Jack’s cock, and when the head of it hit his prostate, he yelled, his own spent cock twitching. 

Being stretched and filled like this, it was magnificent. Jack was habitually gentle, careful with him, but this time his thrusts had an almost desperate edge to them and it felt incredible, sounded incredible, the guttural groans, becoming meaningless words as Jack’s orgasm crashed over him and he buried himself deep in John’s body, cock pulsing, whole body shaking.

He seemed to come back into himself, hands immediately loosening.

‘John….’

‘I’m fine,’ he reassured, craning his head to look back over his shoulder. ‘Better than fine. Every day should end like this.’

Jack eased carefully out of John’s body, reaching for the soap again to clean them both up before turning off the water. John followed him out of the cubicle, took the towel he was offered and dried himself, roughly. The evidence of his treatment by Clarke’s men, his time on Mars, was still visible on his skin, but only the scars were left, small ones at his wrists and on his abdomen. Very little really compared with the state he’d been in when he’d first returned to Babylon 5 from Earth.

Crowding in, Jack ran fingertips over his scars, at the same time touching his lips to John’s mouth.

He murmured, ‘I love you,’ and something in his voice made John curious.

‘Is everything okay?’

Jack hesitated, but nodded. ‘Yeah. Just sometimes, I still have to remind myself that this is all real, that you feel the same way about me as I feel about you. And that in itself still amazes me. I’ve never felt this… complete before.’

Dropping his towel, John put his arms around Jack’s waist and pulled him close. ‘After everything that’s happened, this feels like the only real thing there is. You mean more to me than I could ever tell you, could ever show you, but I’ll give it a damn good try.’

After dinner in the Zocalo and a walk through the station, they shut themselves away in John’s bedroom and made love in his bed, Jack straddling John’s hips, John’s cock deep inside him. He set a slow, steady, agonising rhythm, ignoring every one of John’s attempts at speeding things up, and when John eventually came, the sight of him, the sound of him, the feel of him inside triggered Jack’s own orgasm. 

They fell asleep wrapped up in each other, Jack having managed to keep his concerns to himself for the whole night, very glad he’d been able to keep them from John, at least for the time being.

The next time Jack opened his eyes, he lay still, staring into the semi-darkness and wondering what had disturbed him. Then he turned to look at John next to him, and was fully awake in a second.

This was more than just a nightmare. Reaching across, he put his hand on John’s bare shoulder and shook him gently. ‘Come on, wake up.’ He didn’t wake. ‘John.’

Stephen had given him some advice about waking John from one of these night terrors when he wasn’t able to wake himself, mostly he was aware of not unintentionally adding any more violence to wherever John was going through. Getting up to his knees, climbing carefully over John’s legs, Jack put his hand back on his shoulder.

‘Johnny… come on, Love, wake up.’

Under his eyelids, his eyes were tracking back and forth in rapid movements. There was sweat beaded on his forehead even though his skin felt cold to the touch. His breath was shallow, fast, his pulse racing. This wasn’t normal. Something was wrong.

Getting up, grabbing a robe, Jack called Stephen.

The doctor blinked a couple of times, seemed to see Jack clearly and snap awake in a moment. 

‘Jack… what’s wrong?’

‘John’s having some sort of night terror, but I can’t wake him. I don’t know what this is, exactly, but it’s not the same as the others.’

He was already out of bed. ‘I’m on my way.’

Stephen let himself in, crossed the darkened living area area and tapped on the frosted glass door. 

‘Come in, Stephen.’

Jack was sitting up on the bed, looking not too far from frantic. John was obviously asleep, obviously distressed; sweat on his skin, fingers restless in the covers, whole body spasming. 

‘I’ve tried waking him but I can’t.’

Stephen climbed onto the bed.

‘John? Can you hear me?’ He put a hand on on John’s shoulder and shook him but he didn’t show any signs of being roused. ‘Computer, lights one hundred percent.’ The lighting in the room came up to full strength and Stephen lifted one of John’s eyelids carefully. ‘He’s in REM sleep which doesn’t point to a night terror. John? Come on, John, wake up.’ Pressing one hand flat to his forehead, he could feel how hot he was. ‘He’s burning up.’ As he lifted his hand away, he felt his wrist brush against something on John’s temple. Brushing the damp hairs out of the way, he revealed something small and round stuck to the skin. ‘What the hell?’

‘What is it?’

‘I don’t know.’ He pointed to his bag that he’d left near the bedroom doors. ‘Could you grab a pair of tweezers?’

Jack found them quickly and placed them in Stephen’s hand. Whatever it was, it looked like a milky white disc, around an inch in diameter, a quarter inch thick. With care, Stephen lifted the edges with the tweezers and they came away without resistance. 

Jack came to sit up on the pillows. ‘What is that?’

‘I have no idea.’

Opening the tweezers, he slid them under the disk, careful not to cut into John’s skin with the sharp ends, and tried to lift it away from John’s head completely. 

‘It’s attached in the centre,’ he said, applying a little more pressure. This time it lifted, and a translucent flagella came away with it. Peering underneath, he swore softly. Somehow, whatever it was, it had burrowed into John’s skull. He could see slight movement in the jelly-like tentacle, like a pulse.

‘What the hell is that?’

‘I think it’s a feeding tube of some sort.’

‘Feeding on what?’ There was panic in Jack’s voice.

‘I don’t know.’ He hesitated. He didn’t know if removing it was a good idea, but John’s pulse was too high, and he guessed his blood pressure must be sky-rocketing too. He was heading for cardiac arrest. If this thing was causing it, getting it out had to be better than leaving it inside him. 

He lifted it steadily, ready to stop if it seemed to be directly threatening John’s life. But there was no resistance, and Stephen pulled ten inches of alien jellyfish out of John’s head before the end finally came out the hole in his skull. 

In that moment, John’s eyes flew open. 

He tried to scramble across the bed, away from something that he was obviously terrified of. Jack caught him and held him while he fought, crying, begging to be let go. 

‘John, it’s me. It’s okay, it was just a nightmare.’ Stephen watched as Jack rubbed one open hand up and down his arm, the other hand holding John’s head to his chest, riding out the struggle, waiting for the terror to subside, to be replaced by recognition. 

When John started to still, Stephen ducked out into the kitchen, took two glasses from the cupboard and dropped whatever the hell he’d pulled from John’s head inside one of them, balancing the other on top as a seal. It wasn’t moving, he wasn’t sure if it was still alive. He let himself spend half a second looking at it, then he went back into the bedroom.

John had finally stopped trying to get away. He was tangled in the covers, resting against Jack, held tight, breathing like he’d just run a marathon, but his eyes looked clear, and there was no fear of Stephen as he approached. 

Taking a small penlight from his bag, Stephen sat back on the bed and made sure John was comfortable with his proximity before he turned on the light, first examining the hole left by in his head, and then checking the dilation of his pupils. The hole was no bigger than a sixteenth of an inch in diameter. It was bleeding, but only spots. 

‘John, do you know where you are?’

He nodded, a jerky movement. ‘My quarters, Babylon 5.’

‘You know who we are?’

‘Yeah.’ He was definitely comfortable with them. 

‘Were you having a nightmare?’

‘It was real. It felt... so real.’

‘I know, but it was just a dream. Can you tell me what did you saw?’

‘I was... sleeping. Here. Then I woke. It was dark. I could sense... people in the room, lots of them, getting closer. Jack was getting out of bed, getting dressed, and as he left, he said, ‘these men are going to have some fun with you now’.’

Stephen glanced at Jack and saw the pain flash across his face. ‘Listen, John, it was bad dream but nothing more. You need to let it go, let the images go like you would any dream.’ He put his hand on the side of John’s head, palm over the small wound, fingers in his hair. ‘Let it fade to dust and blow away. It was just a dream.’ By increments, John relaxed in Jack’s arms. His breathing hitched and slowed. ‘That’s it.’

He sat back, glanced at Jack who was watching him with a strange expression, and looked back at John. ‘I need you in MedLab. I need to do a CT scan and check the chemical levels in your bloodstream.’

Jack said, ‘Give us a minute? We’ll get dressed.’

*

Stephen poured himself a strong black coffee and drank half of it in one mouthful, looking up when the door to MedLab swung up and Michael came in. 

‘You wanted to see me? Long night?’

‘You could say that. Jack woke me at two.’

Michael looked around. ‘Jack? Is John okay?’

Stephen pointed to the open door of examination room 1, and Michael peered in. They were spooned up together on the narrow examination bed, John’s back to Jack’s front, fast asleep. ‘Huh. I didn’t even know you could get two people on one of those.’

‘If anyone could, it was going to be them.’ He wondered back over to Stephen’s desk and eyed up the coffee pot. Stephen saw it. ‘Help yourself.’

‘Thanks. What happened?’

‘This.’ He handed Michael the small sample jar in in which he’d put the thing he’d pulled from John’s head, or most of it. He’d cut a section of the feeding tube away for further examination.

‘What is that?’

‘It’s an alien organism that had burrowed through John’s skull and into his brain, into the medulla. It somehow induced a nightmare, keeping him in a state of terror and, from what I can tell, feeding off the adrenaline that produced.’

‘Jesus. Where the hell did it come from?’

‘That’s why I wanted to talk to you. He was off station yesterday?’

‘Yeah. Diplomatic mission to Karas 4. There was a quake last week, ISA’s supporting the rescue and rebuild efforts. John went to check they have everything they need. And, they’ve discovered minerals on one of the Pak’ma’ra outposts which ISA wants them to share with the rest of their race.’

‘Did you go with him?’

‘Of course.’

‘Tell me what happened, where you went, what the planet was like.’

Michael leaned against Stephen’s desk, still staring at the thing in the jar. ‘It’s a desert. We went to the main city and took a transport out to the site of the quake. It had collapsed a couple of ancient religious temples that were still used for prayer. About fifty Pak’ma’ra were trapped inside when the walls caved in. They were still finding bodies, but no more survivors.’

‘You visited the site?’

‘Yeah. Actually... there was something.’ He put the jar down. ‘We visited a temple that had survived. We’ve got engineers down there working with the local rescue teams, and they assured us it was structurally sound. We entered along this short, narrow corridor, and just before we came out into the temple itself, we walked through what looked and felt like cobwebs. It was weird. But... when we brushed it off us, it just turned to dust. We didn’t think anything of it.’

‘It could be you disturbed something. I’ve ran a scan and there are no others on his head or anywhere else. I’ve run a CT scan and there doesn’t seem to be any damage beyond the hole in his skull. His adrenaline levels and blood pressure were off the chart but they’re falling back naturally. I’ve reset his monitoring bracelet, just in case there are side effects or it’s left something inside his head. But as I said, there’s nothing on the scan.’

Michael walked back over to the exam room door and leaned against the frame, hugging his coffee cup, one arm around his middle. ‘Did he say what the nightmare was?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What was it?’

‘You don’t want to know.’

Michael shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Stephen, it never even occurred to me. He was fine, while we were out there, when we got back.’

‘I want to check you for any of those things. Then I need the names of everyone in your delegation and I need to get them to come in for a scan. On top of that, we need to start routine scans whenever he comes back to the station, wherever he’s been.’

‘Okay. You can suggest that to him.’ There was movement on the other side of the glass. ‘Better still, suggest it to Jack and he can suggest it to him.’

Stephen looked up, saw Jack sliding carefully from the bed, dropping a kiss to John’s head, just above the butterfly stitch Stephen had used to close the wound, before joining them. He looked exhausted. Stephen poured him a coffee while he activated the switch to close the door to the room where John was still sleeping.

He accepted the coffee gratefully then looked at Michael.

‘This was my fault. I’m sorry.’

Stephen was about to protest but Michael beat him to it. ‘How was this your fault?’

‘I asked him to go, I wanted him to speak to the Pak’ma’ra council leader.’

‘And how were you to know we’d encounter a web of brain sucking sadistic jellyfish?’

He didn’t answer, sank half the cup of coffee before asking, ‘Any luck with… the other?’

‘Some.’

Glancing from Jack to Michael and back again, Stephen asked, ‘Something I should know about?’ He could tell by the look on Jack’s face that it was.

With a sigh, he said, ‘We missed one.’

‘Missed one what?’

‘Someone took something from the facility on Mars, days before it was bombed but after John’s arrival there.’

He had a bad, sinking feeling. ‘Who? What?’

‘A photograph, evidence of John’s arrest, of his… situation. Taken maybe ten, fifteen seconds before the vid we saw.’

‘Oh, shit. Does he know?’

‘No. And I don’t think he should if he doesn’t need to.’

‘Agreed.’

‘Michael’s looking into it. Ryan contacted me about it, he thinks the person who has it is here on the station and is going to try to use it to get John to tell the world how he was treated, to let people know what our government is capable of, the tactics they employ with political prisoners.’

Stephen sat back. ‘Well, it’s an honourable cause.’

Jack took a step forward. ‘I absolutely won’t let John be used again. I won’t let him be some crusader’s symbol, some mascot. He’s been through enough.’ Although he didn’t raise his voice, the anger there was crystal clear. 

‘No argument from me. He’s spent four years going from one fight to the next without a break. He’s only just been able to find a modicum of peace. We can’t let someone snatch that away from him.’

Michael held up his hands. ‘Like I said, I’m making progress. Give me another twelve hours, and another cup of coffee, and I should have something for you. Hopefully, a name, time and location. I figure, if he thinks he can get access to the president, he won’t do anything to risk that.’

*

Eleven hours and twenty seven minutes later, Michael pointed to the image on the screen in the station’s Security office. The man they’d arrested when he’d turned up for a meeting he’d thought was with President Sheridan was sitting in a cell, in cuffs. He kept looking around, like he was surprised he was there.

‘That is Jonah Andersen.’

At Michael’s side, Jack leaned forward and gazed at the man on the screen. Caucasian male, early forties, clean shaven. He was just an ordinary guy, then again almost everyone involved in John’s detainment, in his torture, had been ‘ordinary guys’ carrying out orders; beating the crap of out of an unconscious man, watching while he suffered. He couldn’t understand how one human being could do that to another unless they enjoyed it, at least on some level.

‘We found a data crystal on him, it contains the file we’ve been looking for.’

‘I want to talk to him.’

‘You’re sure? His travel papers confirm he was on Mars at the right time to be there when the photo was taken, to be the one to take the file back to Earth. He may even have taken it.’ 

Jack nodded. ‘I still want to talk to him.’

‘Okay. But do me a favour and don’t kill him.’

It was supposed to be a joke. 

‘I’ll try.’

The cell door closed behind him and Jack leaned his back against it. The man in the chair looked up at him. 

‘Why am I being held as a prisoner? I was supposed to meet with President Sheridan.’

Now and again, Jack heard that title and momentarily forgot it was referring to John, his John, the man who’d served under him on the old Moon-Mars patrol, who used to look at him like he was the font of all knowledge and looked at him now like the sun shone from him; the man he’d fucked on Ganymede; the man he made love to most nights, who he was deeply, desperately in love with. His Swamp Rat. 

‘Why do you want to meet with the president?’

‘I told the other guy! I’m trying to uncover the lies our own government tell us! Sheridan was detained illegally, tortured, they tried to brainwash him into betraying everything he believed in. I want his help to bring these people to justice.’

‘Everyone involved in his arrest is dead. Everyone, apparently, except for you.’

He didn’t seem to hear the warning note in Jack’s voice.

‘All I want to do is get them to admit that’s how they treat prisoners! They lie to us, all the time! Surely President Sheridan wants people to know the truth?’

‘Not like this, not at his personal expense.’

‘Everything has a cost.’

‘And he’s been paying for long enough.’

‘Why won’t you help me? Why won’t he?’

‘Where did you get the file?’

‘I told you! Clarke ordered it taken as proof he had Sheridan in custody!’

‘Where did you get it?’

‘I… I was the one tasked with taking it back to Earth. I gave Clarke a copy and kept a copy - the one you took from me.’

‘Were you there, when it was taken?’

‘I….’ He swallowed. ‘Yes.’

‘You took it?’

‘No.’

‘But you were there. You saw him, naked, in shock, in pain. Chained, restrained. Terrified.’

Jonah Andersen at least had the decency to look away. ‘I couldn’t do anything, they’d have killed me if I’d tried to help him then. I’m trying to help him now!’

‘Now? Now it’s too late. That was the start of seven days of torture. A hundred and sixty eight long, painful hours. If I put electrodes on your balls and gave you a shock once every minute for a hundred and sixty eight hours, and then I took a photograph of you, would you want that on the news? Would you want everyone to see it as evidence of what I’d done? And I mean everyone, on every ship, station, outpost…. Your family, friends, loved ones…. Would you?’ He didn’t answer. ‘How do you think John would feel, seeing that image of himself on the news?’

‘It’s evidence,’ but the fight was gone from him.

‘He’s evidence. You should have seen him after he was rescued, after your colleagues had their fun. He was all the evidence we needed against Clarke, so why do you think we didn’t use him in that way? Because we care for him, love him, aren’t willing to let his suffering be entertainment for anyone else. Do you understand?’

He hesitated, but nodded, ‘Yes.’

‘If I see or hear about that photo again, anywhere, if I hear of it being sent on to anyone, I will find you and I will kill you. Do you understand that?’ Another nod. ‘Do you believe me?’

‘Yes.’

‘I don’t know what the president’s head of security has in mind for you, but if - and that’s a big if - he does eventually release you, get off this station.’

Jack opened the door and let it close behind him. He took a deep breath, then another, before heading to the security office where Michael was waiting.

‘I am seeing you in a whole new light right now.’ 

Jack smiled, scratching his beard. The transformation from who he’d been for Jonah Andersen back to the man they knew was a little disconcerting. ‘I needed to make him understand, to see it from John’s point of view.’

‘You’re a scary mother-fucker when you want to be.’

‘Me?’ He shook his head. ‘No, I’m not. Ask anyone. I’m a pussy cat.’

*

Michael checked in with Stephen later in the day, brought him up to date about the situation with Andersen, although he hadn’t yet decided what to do with the man.

‘What about the file?’

‘The data crystal is in around fifty million pieces after Jack blasted it with a PPG.’

‘You gotta give it to him, he knows how to channel his anger.’

‘You should have seen him with the guy. He comes over like a big teddy bear with those big brown eyes, that quirky sense of humour, the easy going manner. He asked the guy how he’d feel about having electrodes stuck to his testicles like he’d ask you how your day was going.’

‘He’s a man in love. You can’t hold it against him. He’s just trying to protect John in his own way.’

‘Aren’t we all?’

‘Yes, but you and I have been doing it for years. And I don’t think he’s been in love before. I think it’s taken him completely by surprise. And while John’s easy to love, we know he’s not easy to protect, to keep from harm. Seeing him board the Agamemnon in the state he was in can’t have been easy and it’s not something he’s going to forget in a hurry. Have you worked out you’re going to do with the guy?’

Michael shook his head. ‘Not yet. Jack was the one who insisted we didn’t just shoot him, but I think he was having second thoughts. Zack and I will think of something.’ He changed the subject. ‘Have you managed to see everyone from the Karus 4 delegation?’

‘I have. They’re all clear.’

‘So just John?’

‘Like I said, difficult to keep out of harm’s way.’

*

John had escaped MedLab as soon as he could, reassuring Stephen he didn’t even have a headache. Which was a little white lie. He felt slightly sick too but didn’t mention that either. There wasn’t much the doc could do about it, so what was the point? Stephen hadn’t been happy, but with the monitor on his wrist reporting back any changes in his vital signs, he knew there was no point in trying to keep John from leaving.

He walked for a while and wound up in C&C, because he felt safe there. No one questioned him, no one bothered him as he stared out at the stars and the ships, lost in thought. No one until the station’s captain spotted him.

‘Mr President.’

He turned and smiled. ‘Captain.’ 

‘I heard about the alien lifeforms your delegation accidentally brought aboard from Karus 4.’

‘I brought aboard, no one else was affected. And I’m sorry about that. We’re changing our procedures so that everyone coming back on to the station is scanned for stowaways.’

She acknowledged that. ‘And what about the man being held in the cells?’ He had no idea what she was talking about and he told her so. ’Mr Garibaldi and your friend, Jack, have been interrogating a man we believe once worked for Clarke. I’ve been told that they’ve got the situation under control but I would like to know, at some stage, what they plan on doing with him.’

‘Well, if they say they’ve got the situation under control, then it’s under control.’ He did wonder what that was all about. ‘And Jack’s a little bit more than my friend.’

She nodded. ‘Of course, yes, sorry. I did recognise him. He was your first commanding officer, wasn’t he?’

‘He was. And now we’re getting married.’

There was some sort of satisfaction in seeing the look on her face; a mix of surprise, shock, confusion, bemusement, disbelief. She managed to hit most of the key reactions before settling on one. ‘You’re joking?’

‘No.’ He held up his left hand and she stared at the ring on his finger, goldfish-like. ‘Which is why I trust him, and Michael Garibaldi, with my safety and my life.’

‘You used to be able to trust me.’

‘I have a new rule: don’t trust anyone who didn’t take a stand against Clarke.’

‘You know I couldn’t. I had a ship full of men and women depending on me.’

‘We had a fleet of ships full of men, women and aliens depending on us, looking to me for protection, security, freedom but most of all leadership.’ 

‘My crew trusted me with their lives. I would have been putting all of them, everyone on board, at risk.’

John let a smile play over his face. ‘You know, I think the moment I finally fell in love with Jack was on the Agamemnon, just before we ploughed into an exploding weapons array not expecting to come out alive on the other side. He was willing to make that sacrifice alongside me, when he was - is - the last person in this universe I would want to hurt. Taking on Clarke was the right thing to do and you know it.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Well. You have a good day, Captain.’

*

John didn’t mention his run in with Liz until he and Jack were in bed later that night. There had been a slightly haunted look in Jack’s eyes all evening, and John asked him about that first.

‘When you got back from Mars, I was the only one you trusted completely because I was the only one you could be sure was real. That… alien jellyfish used me against you and that’s something I never wanted to happen.’

‘I know that wasn’t real. It wasn’t even a memory, wasn’t even you. I thought it was you, it sounded like you, but… the tricks they played on Mars worked because the smells were right, as well as the detail. Last night, it didn’t smell right.’

Turning on to his side, Jack leaned up on one elbow. ‘It makes me feel sick just thinking about it.’ 

John nodded, brushing his hand over Jack’s bare shoulder. ‘I know.’

‘Before I returned to Earth, I had this… not even an idea. Just a libido-fuelled fantasy, once I knew you and Michael had been lovers.’ He paused, despite John’s curious smile. ‘I shouldn’t be telling you this.’

John lifted his head and kissed him. ‘Tell me.’

He didn’t think he would, but in the end, Jack started talking. 

‘I lay awake one night, on your couch, thinking about a threesome - you, me and Michael. You on your side on the bed, me spooned up behind you, Michael on your other side facing you. I imagined… getting just the tip of my cock inside you, just to open you up because you trusted me not to hurt you. Michael would line up your cock with his in his big hand, let the slide of you against him bring you to full hardness. Only when you were begging us to do more, would I slide all the way in and stay there, just the odd movement of my dick against your prostate, while Michael jerked you off, ever so slowly, to a long, perfect orgasm.’ John was hard by the time he finished, and he could feel Jack’s erection against his thigh. ‘Of course, that’s back when I could think about Michael’s hands on you without the accompanying urge to break his fingers.’

It made John smile in understanding. ‘I don’t want anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I would have been up for it, before Mars. I’d have been up for most things. Hell, I’ve done most things. And yeah, hearing you talk like that is always going to be a turn on. But only because I know it’s just a fantasy.’

‘If I go too far, if anything I say is too much, you have to let me know. I like talking dirty to you because I love the reaction it gets. But you have to tell me if I cross a line.’

‘I will.’ John hesitated. ‘There is one thing. Michael and I used toys - dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, anal beads….’ Jack’s expression was priceless. ‘I can’t…. Not now.’

Jack’s fingers ghosted over his cheek. ‘I did… sort of make that assumption.’ He traced the top of John’s ear, the hairs at his temple. ‘Did you used to go to work with an anal plug in?’

‘Now and again. When it was quiet.’

‘And when quiet unexpectedly became chaos?’

‘I’d nip to the toilet, jerk off, take it out, go deal with the crisis.’

Jack’s eyes widened. ‘Will you ever stop surprising me, I wonder.’

‘You never did that?’

‘I had a favourite dildo. It got destroyed with the Cortez. Never had an anal plug. Always thought it would be too distracting.’

The mental image of Jack lying in his tin can quarters, on the narrow birth, knees bent, feet on the mattress, fucking himself with a dildo made his cock twitch.

Jack was watching him, smiling. ‘Like that thought? Me with a big dildo? You know, if you want to get some of your toys out and use them on me, I’d be happy for you to show me some of your favourites.’

After what he’d been through, John hadn’t imagined ever opening that particular box ever again. But while the thought of anything being put inside him that wasn’t Jack made him feel physically sick, and the thought of him penetrating Jack with something inanimate wasn’t much better, the idea of maybe popping a string of anal beads into Jack’s body, pulling them out one by one, was definitely a turn on.

‘Hey.’ He realised he’d zoned out for a second. ‘Okay?’

‘Yeah. Sorry.’

‘No apologies. If that’s a no on the toys-‘

‘Not the dildos.’ He almost apologised, stopped himself at the last minute. ‘But I have a gorgeous string of anal beads I wouldn’t mind showing you.’

‘I would absolutely love that.’

John’s hand came up to cup his cheek, stroke his beard. ‘I know it’s difficult, you and Michael.’

‘It’s.... We work well together when we have a common goal. But just sometimes I catch him looking at you a certain way... it’s not jealousy or me being possessive, nothing that simple. It’s… knowing what he cost you, the pain he caused you, even if it wasn’t his fault. I know he probably has complicated feelings about me too.’ He flopped onto his back, head turned to look at John. ‘We’re in an odd situation, but we both love you and sometimes that lets us find some common ground.’

‘Like the ex-EarthForce officer you’re holding in the brig?’

Jack stared at him. ‘How do you know about that?’

‘Liz told me.’

Jack’s heart sank. ‘Of course she did. He’s not an officer. He was one of Clarke’s... admin guys.’

John turned onto his side, hand stroking across Jack’s belly. ‘Do I want to know?’

Jack covered his hand with his own, laced their fingers. ‘No. I’ll tell you, if you really want me to. But you don’t need to know. It was a potential problem that’s been resolved.’

‘Okay.’ He settled at Jack’s side, apparently letting it go.

‘Thank you.’

‘I trust you and Michael with my life. But I trust you with everything that I am.’

‘And I’ll never betray that.’

It occurred to him that betrayal had been the last thing Michael had ever meant to do too, and he squeezed John’s hand tight. He couldn’t imagine what he would do if anyone tried to use him against this man. If he’d been in Michael’s shoes he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. Then again, Michael had been just as front and centre as John. Jack was more... off to one side. He liked it there, it was safer for him, safer for John. He just needed to try to stay there.

*

The closer it got to their move to Minbar, the more chaotic things became. Admin staff from the new ISA facility came onboard to start packing up official documents and equipment, while the council still met in the old war room. Everyone was still busy trying to do their day jobs while everything around them was being packed into boxes. 

Stephen was starting to think his best bet was to just stop trying to work until they were settled in Tuzanor and he could actually find things. 

‘You too, huh?’ 

He looked up to see John standing in the doorway, peering into the disarray. 

‘It’s driving me a little crazy,’ he admitted. 

‘Yeah. I had to get out of the ISA offices. If I go to my office, it just reminds me I need to pack all that up too. Jack’s sitting in the middle of it all, working as usual like nothing’s happening.’

‘I have no idea how to do that. I appreciate the change but I could do without the transition.’

‘Want to get out of here for a while?’

They walked through the Marketplace and the Zocalo, picked up a couple of hot drinks and sat in the garden for a while before going up to the observation deck.

‘It feels weird to be leaving, after everything we went through to protect and defend this place.’

‘I know.’ John nodded. ‘But it’s time. I think a change of scene will be a good thing. You’re not… regretting it?’

‘No. God, no. I’m excited, believe me. I need this.’

‘I think we all do. There are too many memories here.’

‘Good as well as bad.’

‘Absolutely. But some of the bad ones are still raw. Sometimes… walking around this place feels like I’m picking at  
scabs over newly healed wounds.’

‘You know you saved… millions of lives.’

He shook his head, emphatically. ‘Not me. Us. All of us. Those of us who made it, those of us who didn’t.’ He paused, staring out into space, pulling his sleeve down over this left hand. ‘How many lives did I take, Stephen?’

‘People die in battle. Everyone knew the risk and took it willingly.’

‘When I close my eyes… I don’t see Mars, my interrogators, anything from there. I see that last weapons platform turn into a fireball just as we ploughed through it. I see Jack looking at me like he’s genuine amazed he’s still alive.’ He smiled to himself. ‘I think he might actually have kissed me, if I hadn’t collapsed into a half-dead pile on the floor.’

‘I am so, so glad he was on that ship with you.’

John nodded. ‘I wasn’t, in that moment I thought we were going to die. But yeah, before that, and for every single second after it.’ Stephen watched him turn the ring on his finger. 

‘You two are good together.’

‘He’s good for me. Not sure I’m so good for him. He’s marrying a basket case.’

‘Stop it. You’re not a basket case. Given what you’ve been through, I think you’re remarkably sane.’

John looked at him doubtfully. ‘Being with me does mean his life’s under constant threat.’

‘John, no offence, but Jack seems like the type of person who would go looking for trouble if it didn’t come to him.’

‘Not so much, now. Maybe when he was younger, although he’d call it adventure, not trouble.’ 

’Rose tinted glasses?’ he teased with affection; it was worth it to see the smile on John’s face. ‘Mind you, he’s the same, the way he looks at you with that dreamy smile.’

‘You don’t know what he’s thinking about….’ The humour faded. ‘I know lots of people said I was different when I came back from Z’Ha’Dum. More of a hard-ass, more dangerous, less… human. I heard a lot of things, a lot from Michael, some not. I’m sorry for some of the things I asked you to do, but if I’m being honest, I don’t think I’d have survived this had I not been the man Z’Ha’Dum made me.’

Stephen looked at him for a time. ‘Maybe. I know people said you were different but I didn’t see it. You’d been through something traumatic and you were dealing with it in your own way. The things you asked of me… you had your reasons. In the end, you did everything you promised you would, ended the Shadow war and won the fight against Clarke. Now, John, you owe it to yourself to take some time, to live for you for a while. You and Jack.’

‘He was… so unexpected, never part of the plan. Of course, neither was Michael, or ending up in Clarke’s hands….’ He took a deep breath. ‘But Jack… he came out of left field. I knew he was on the Agamemnon, but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would end up with us….’ He shook his head. 

‘Sometimes the best things to happen are the things we haven’t planned, haven’t seen coming. Believe me, John, I’ve never seen a guy so in love as he is with you. I saw it on your first night back on B5, the way he hadn’t left your side, refused to leave your side, the way he was with you, is still with you; so gentle, kind and understanding, making it look so easy and natural. Like you’re all that matters.’

‘I never thought I’d find that with anyone, let alone with Jack.’ He was lost for a while in thought before he turned and asked, ‘Speaking of… how are things between you and Maise?’

Stephen smiled, happy. ‘Good. We’re… taking it slowly, which I know is odd for a relationship which started off as casual. But, like you, I don’t think either of us planned for it to get serious.’

‘These things come along when you least expect them.’

Stephen huffed. ‘I’ve never liked surprises.’

‘Not even the good ones?’

‘The good ones are the worst.’

John gazed at him in bemusement, then shook his head with a smile. ’Stephen… I wanted to thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. Not just over the last year, but since I got here. If it wasn’t for you, I’d wouldn’t still be here.’

‘I’ve said it before, John, you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.’

‘Not sure I’d still be having nightmares if that was true.’

Putting his arm around John’s shoulders, Stephen hugged him. ‘That’s your mind still fighting. You haven’t gone crazy, you haven’t given up. That’s where your strength is. Don’t knock it. Most of us would have gone completely gaga by now if we’d been through what you’ve been through. You’re the strongest of us, but remember we’re always here for you to fall back on, whenever you need us.’

*

The door swung up and Michael took a step into the room. There were boxes on every available surface.

‘John?’

‘In the bedroom. Come in, Mike.’

‘How have you managed to accumulate so much stuff?’ He remembered moving out of his command quarters with a single crate.

‘I have no idea.’ John came out into the living room and threw something into one of the boxes. ‘There’s even more in my office, I can’t decide whether to chuck most of it out or keep it.’

‘I’d heard the accommodation on Minbar is going to be more like apartments back on Earth.’

‘You mean I’ll actually have space for all this crap.’

Michael laughed. ‘Something like that.’ 

‘Can I get you something to drink? This a friendly visit or is there something I need to know?’

‘Actually… I have a favour to ask. Not that you owe me any favours-‘

‘Michael. Ask.’

‘I need to take some personal time, just a couple of weeks, once you’re on your way to Minbar.’

‘Of course. You know, you don’t have to ask me.’

‘Well, I didn’t want you or anyone else to think I was leaving you.’

John shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t have thought that. I might have gone after you….’

‘Exactly. And then someone would come after you, and when he caught us, he’d tear my balls off and shove them down my throat.’ John didn’t deny that. ‘I want to go back to Mars and see Lise. I don’t know if she’ll see me, if she’ll still want me, or if she’s likely to even think about moving to Minbar, but I have to try.’ John nodded his understanding. ‘I won’t ever stop loving you. I won’t ever leave you. But you’re head over heels in love with a guy who loves you and will never, ever hurt you. And I reckon, if there’s a chance I can have with Lise just a little of what you’ve got with Jack, I owe it to myself to try,’

‘You do.’ He came closer. ‘I’m sorry it worked out like this. I mean… for you and I. Neither of us deserved the shit we went through. We didn’t deserve for what we had to be torn from us like that.’

‘I know. But at least we’re still here. You took your shot at happiness and I’m genuinely happy it worked out for you.’

‘Time to take yours.’

‘I think so. I figure the worst that can happen is she can kick me out on my ass, and I’ll be exactly where I am now. Well, not exactly. I’ll be on Minbar, with the heat of their sunshine on my face and a job protecting a guy I would gladly lay down my life for.’

‘I am very much hoping it won’t come to that. Take as long as you need to persuade her, Mike.’

‘Thanks.’ He looked around. ‘Maybe I should put all my stuff back in its crate.’ A box on the end of the bed caught his eye. ‘Hey, is that….’ He caught himself, but John was already looking around to see what he’d spotted. 

‘Er. Yeah. If there’s… anything you want to take?’

Michael hesitated, but he let himself cross the room, step into John’s bedroom and look into the box. He recognised it all; five dildos sized from normal to ridiculous, three vibrators, a couple of differently shaped butt plugs. The silver anal beads and cock ring John had brought to the party were missing, and he wondered about that. He smiled at the memories seeing the sex toys brought back.

‘You don’t….’ His brain caught up to his mouth. ‘Of course you don’t.’ He reached in and lifted out the middle sized dildo. In particular, he had spectacular memories of that one, of John slowly fucking him with it, building up to it with a plug, his fingers, his cock, finally pushing the bulky toy inside him and taking his time. Michael recalled coming three or four times on those nights.

‘You sure?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘Thanks.’ He caught John’s gaze and felt his heart hammer in his chest, his dick filling with the memory, the moment. Then he imagined Jack catching him standing in his finance’s bedroom holding a dildo and looking at him like he wanted to eat him alive, and he broke the tension. ‘I better go.’ It was nice to know the old chemistry was still there.

‘Oh, wait! I’ve got something else for you. I completely forgot!’ 

He crossed to where the framed pictures he’d had on the walls were leaning together against the wall of the bedroom. Picking one out from behind the others, he handed it to Michael.

‘Oh my God, you kept Daffy!’

‘After you moved out of your command quarters, I went there, just… sat on the bed, remembered us for a while. I saw that on the wall, couldn’t believe you hadn’t taken it and thought you might want it back eventually… so I took it, kept it safe.’

‘Daffy saw a lot of things he probably shouldn’t have seen.’

‘Daffs is confident in his sexuality,’ John assured him. ‘I don’t think we corrupted him too much.’

‘Thank you. I can’t believe…. I hurl insults your way, sell you out to ISN, turn my back on you, and you go down to my empty quarters and save Daffy for me?’

‘Saving Daffy was the least I could do. I could have saved us, Michael. I didn’t.’

‘No, you couldn’t, John. We were our own worst enemy. But this… this means a lot, more than you know. So thank you.’ Holding the picture alongside the dildo, he raised his free hand to John’s cheek, leaned in and touched an almost chaste kiss to his lips.

He stepped back so quickly when the door chirped and opened that he tripped over his own foot and took a second to regain his balance. John didn’t seem at all bothered by Jack finding Michael in his bedroom, fourteen inch dildo in one hand, Daffy Duck poster in the other, looking as guilty as sin. 

He was fairly sure the first words out of Jack’s mouth were going to be along the lines of, /how about you step away from my husband now?/ and he was happy to comply because he honestly believed the guy had been a half a second from punching him in the face for the last twelve months. But instead, Jack just raised his eyebrows.

Michael hesitated. ‘We were just… I mean, he was just… giving me Daffy back.’

Jack crossed the living room, sliding an arm around John’s waist when he was close enough. It wasn’t overtly possessive, but the message was clear. ‘Ah, the box of wonders.’

‘I don’t know what to do with it all,’ John told him. ‘Not sure it’s the type of thing Brother Theo was referring to when he said they’d be happy to accept donations for DownBelow.’

‘You think?’

Michael took another step back. Despite the weird awkwardness of being in John’s bedroom, looking at a box of sex toys the two of them once used with one another, including one the size and shape of a man’s fist, with John’s insanely protective husband-to-be standing right there, he could actually feel laughter bubbling up inside him. Biting his bottom lip, he glanced up at John. His beautiful blue eyes were shining with mischief and amusement. 

‘Hey, are you about to laugh at my duck?’ It was an old line, a very old memory.

With perfect recall, John shook his head. ‘No. I’m laughing at your dildo.’

‘And... I’m out of here.’


End file.
